<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>never let me go by rattlethestars01</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24772675">never let me go</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/rattlethestars01/pseuds/rattlethestars01'>rattlethestars01</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bi Harry, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, Fluff, Gay Draco, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Hogwarts Eighth Year, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Self-Harm, Slow Burn</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 08:02:29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>34</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>30,240</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24772675</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/rattlethestars01/pseuds/rattlethestars01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry and friends are returning to Hogwarts for an 8th year to complete their studies, but the last person he expected to return was Draco Malfoy. Can he put their old rivalry behind them and start anew?</p><p>Draco has been dealing with his own struggles since the war, and finds himself in a very dark place when Harry Potter, of all people, comes back into his life. Can he offer what Draco desperately needs - a friend, or maybe more?</p><p>This is the story of two boys working through old bitterness, sexuality, mental health, and new foes amidst the end of the war and their return to Hogwarts.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley, Pansy Parkinson/Blaise Zabini</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>119</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>503</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. home</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>There is a playlist for the fic and a song for each chapter, so please check that out and listen to each song as you go along, it really adds a lot to the story. Link: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6xkhxbFCwm8mpFICJ689WM?si=dKKDpViRQeeOwrQN-o44iQ</p><p>Song for chapter one:<br/>Angus and Julia Stone – Chateau<br/><em>“Don’t be scared of what you don’t already know.”</em></p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Harry Potter hadn’t been expecting the offer that came halfway through the summer to come back to Hogwarts for an eighth year to complete his studies, expecting to instead go straight into Auror training. But after fighting Voldemort for so long and losing so many people in the final battle, Harry was done with fighting. He wasn't even sure he wanted to be an Auror anymore, wasn't sure if he could handle it after everything he had already gone through, so the chance to return to Hogwarts for one last year was a relief and blessing. </p>
<p>Of course, Ron and Hermione were returning as well, along with Neville, Luna and Ginny, as even though they had attended last year, their education had been greatly disrupted. Harry was ecstatic to have all his friends back together, and even though it would be difficult returning to Hogwarts, it was where he wanted to be. </p>
<p>Harry, Ron and Hermione dodged the persistent Daily Prophet reporters who no doubt wanted a special on them returning to Hogwarts and quickly made their way to the Hogwarts Express. As they were boarding the train, Harry caught sight of Blaise Zabini and Pansy Parkinson getting on a few cars down. His friends noticed his line of sight, and as they made their way down the aisle looking for an empty compartment, Ron said, "Wasn't really expecting any Slytherins to come back, to be honest." 

</p>
<p>"Do you think they'll be the only ones?" Hermione asked, and Harry knew which particular Slytherin she was thinking of. 

</p>
<p>"Probably," was Harry's only reply. 

</p>
<p>They spent the scenic train ride catching Harry up on the latest mishaps at the Burrow, since Harry had spent the last week and a half at Grimmauld Place after breaking up with Ginny. He had realised over the course of the summer that they just weren't right for each other, and around the same time Harry had also realised he was bisexual. Ginny was the first person he told, when he explained his feelings and why he thought they should separate. 

</p>
<p>"I'm sort of just discovering who I am, and who I can be now that the war is over, when I'm no longer the Chosen One, the Boy Who Lived," he had said to her. "I feel like that part of my life is over, and you were a big part of that time for me but… I think I need something else." 

</p>
<p>"You need to explore your identity," she had replied. "I understand." 

</p>
<p>That had shocked Harry, as he hadn't expected her to take it so well. But then she had explained how she’d noticed he was growing distant and changing into a new man, a man who needed to find his place in the world, and it wasn't with her. 

</p>
<p>She had accepted that their relationship had come to an end, and Harry had left the Burrow to do a bit of soul searching. He had visited with the Dursleys – that encounter didn't go wonderfully – to tell them that they could come out of hiding because it was safe now that the wizarding war had come to an end. He had met up with Hagrid in Diagon Alley to get his school supplies, reminiscent of his first year, as well as visited his godson Teddy, who was being looked after by his grandmother Andromeda. Amongst other house calls, Harry had also begun refurbishing Grimmauld Place with the intention of one day making it his home, before finally packing up for Hogwarts and meeting his friends at King's Cross Station. 

</p>
<p>It was in their compartment, after catching up on the last week and a bit, that conversation eventually turned to Harry and Ginny's breakup. 

</p>
<p>"She's been taking it surprisingly well," Ron began, "I honestly think that I was more upset about it than she was." 

</p>
<p>"Why on Earth would you be more upset, Ronald, you weren't even in the relationship," Hermione chastised. 

</p>
<p>Ron went a little bit red. "Well, I guess I just liked the idea of… Harry being my brother-in-law." 

</p>
<p>Harry felt a wave of warmth at his friend's words. "Ron, I'm already a part of the family, Molly has made that clear enough on numerous occasions and this isn't going to change that," he assured him. "We’re brothers, Ron." 

</p>
<p>Ron gave him a sheepish smile at that, uncomfortable with having his feelings out in the open. 

</p>
<p>"He's right about Ginny taking it really well, though," Hermione said after a moment. "It's like she knows something we don't." 

</p>
<p>She was giving Harry a look like she definitely knew that there was something he wasn't telling them, and so he figured now was as good a time as any. If this school year was going to be a fresh start, he might as well start it off honestly. 

</p>
<p>"Okay," he started. "There’s something I want to tell you. And I know it won't change your opinion of me 'cause you’re my best mates and you've put up with me this long." 

</p>
<p>Ron chuckled a bit, even as his forehead creased as he wondered what Harry was going to say. 

</p>
<p>Harry took a deep breath. "I'm bi." 

</p>
<p>There was a heartbeat of silence as they took that in, and Ron's mouth popped open to form a little 'o'. He quickly recovered, and "Oh" was all he said. A grin was slowly spreading across Hermione's face, however, the only warning before she pounced on him. 

</p>
<p>"Oh, Harry!" she cried, gripping him in a bear hug. "I'm so proud of you!" 

</p>
<p>"Ah, okay," was all Harry could say as he awkwardly hugged her back. 

</p>
<p>"Yeah, me too mate," Ron said as Hermione finally sat back in her seat, though there was a look of uncertainty in his eyes. 

</p>
<p>"Are you sure?" Harry asked. 

</p>
<p>"Yeah, of course, I'm just… surprised you didn't tell us sooner." 

</p>
<p>"Well I only kind of realised this past summer, and it took me a little while to come to terms with it. Ginny is the only other person I've told." 

</p>
<p>"Oh. Alright then." That seemed to satisfy Ron, and he gave Harry a clap on the shoulder, to which Harry grinned. That had gone a lot better than he anticipated. 

</p>
<p>Just then, the lady with the food trolley came by, and the two boys bought out half the sweets while Hermione looked on disapprovingly.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. familiar faces</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>TW: PTSD.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Daughter – Medicine<br/><em>“Pick it up, pick it all up<br/>And start again<br/>You’ve got a second chance, you could go home<br/>Escape it all, it’s just irrelevant.”<em></em></em></p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The Hogsmeade train station was crowded with more reporters, all desperate for an exclusive with the famous Harry Potter, or even any of his friends that had also played a major part in the war. He was keen to get to the castle where they were barred from entering, and they would finally be free of the press for a few months. Harry had spent all summer dodging them and would be grateful for the reprieve, even though there were sure to be plenty of younger students who also wanted to ask him questions. </p>
<p>Lumbering down the platform ahead of them was Hagrid, shouting in his booming voice, "First years follow me! Eighth years, meet Professor McGonagall in the entrance hall! First years follow me!"</p>
<p>He caught sight of Harry, Ron and Hermione cringing away from the snapping cameras and came to shoo them out of the way. "Harry! Ron! 'ermione! It's good to see ya!"</p>
<p>"Hey Hagrid!" the trio chorused.</p>
<p>"Now I know I saw Harry a few days ago but how have you two been?" he addressed Ron and Hermione. "Coping okay with… everything?"</p>
<p>Ron's face fell a little, and Harry knew he was remembering Fred. He saw Hermione's hand subtly brush against Ron's. "Yeah, we've been okay," he said.</p>
<p>"Good, good." Hagrid looked a bit awkward, so he went on to say, "Well, eighth years are to meet Professor McGonagall in the entrance hall before going into the Great Hall, can yer pass on the message for me? I've gotta take the little ones in across the lake, yer know the drill."</p>
<p>"Sure," Hermione replied, though Harry was fairly certain everyone had heard Hagrid's announcements up and down the platform.</p>
<p>He departed with a wave, and the trio quickly made their way to the castle before the reporters could reconverge. </p>
<p>They were greeted by McGonagall out the front of the Great Hall when they entered. The students gathered around her were a small bunch: Harry, Ron, Hermione and Neville from Gryffindor, a few Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws, and Zabini and Parkinson were indeed the only ones from Slytherin who seemed to have returned.</p>
<p>"Welcome back students," McGonagall began. "I am well aware that this is a bit of a unique circumstance, bringing you few who were eager back to Hogwarts for an additional year, or in some cases to make up for a completely lost year. Therefore, there are some… adjustments to the way your education will take place. Most of your classes will be shared with seventh years, however there will be some specialty classes in certain departments if you wish to take them and opportunities to take on advanced work. As for rules and regulations, you are now adults and so we will treat you as such and be a little more lenient with you so long as you are responsible."</p>
<p>"This will be interesting," Ron muttered next to Harry.</p>
<p>"There will be no curfew forced upon you, and you will be allowed to venture into Hogsmeade as you wish, no need for supervised weekend trips and permission notes."</p>
<p>There was a sudden exchange of whispers and grins between the students, Ron actually letting out a 'whoop!' </p>
<p>"However," McGonagall continued, "these privileges can be revoked if they are abused." The students quieted down at that. "Finally, your dorms. Along with the rebuilding of the castle, we have constructed a separate tower for eighth years so that you may have your own space, and each dorm is a private bedroom with its own en suite. You also have a shared common room, but you are still welcome in your houses' common rooms. That will be all, you may now join the feast."</p>
<p>The group dispersed to enter the Great Hall, many of them muttering excitedly about the changes. </p>
<p>"This will definitely be interesting," Ron said. "Cramming people from different houses into one tower? Sure, that's a great idea."</p>
<p>"Don't be sarcastic, Ron," scolded Hermione. "I think it'll be good for house unity."</p>
<p>"Will it make much of difference though if it's just the eighth years?" Harry asked.</p>
<p>"The eldest lead by example," said Hermione, "so if it goes well it could definitely impact the younger students."</p>
<p>Ron and Hermione kept debating while Harry followed them to the Gryffindor table. He was uncertain about it, but only time would tell if an exclusive eighth year dormitory was a good idea or not. </p>
<p>Harry found himself staring at the empty Headmaster's chair and realised he had been waiting for Dumbledore to appear. He mentally scolded himself as McGonagall made her way to the seat instead. She made her Headmistress's speech, and Harry's attention drifted elsewhere. Over to the Slytherin table to be exact, and for a moment he searched for a certain platinum blond head before he remembered he wouldn't find it. He was snapped out of it by McGonagall, who had started talking about the war. He guessed it was supposed to be uplifting, saying how they had prevailed and were stronger than ever. It only served as a reminder to Harry, however, of all the people he'd lost and torment he had suffered through. He found his breaths were quickening, and soon he was struggling to breathe at all. He squeezed his eyes shut, remembering that it was just a symptom of his PTSD, and that he wasn't facing Voldemort again, wasn't about to die. Again. </p>
<p>With a jolt he stood up and made his way to the doors, knowing that everyone had to be watching him, but he just had to get out of there. Just needed a distraction so that he could breathe again. Once the doors had closed behind him and he stood in the entrance hall once more, he stood still as he tried to catch his breath, pushing away the memories that threatened to bubble to the surface and strangle him. After a moment, he regained a little bit of his composure. </p>
<p>Once he felt better again, he realised that someone was watching him. Looking over to the doors to the castle, he saw someone he had come to terms with not seeing here this year at all. Draco Malfoy. Next to him stood his luggage and his mother, Narcissa. What Harry's attention was drawn to, however, was how gaunt Malfoy looked. He defiantly had his shoulders back and his chin high, but Harry could see even from this distance that there were deep circles under his eyes and his cheeks were hollow. His hair was unkempt, without its usual gel (which Harry had always thought was over the top anyway) or even a comb through. </p>
<p>Malfoy looked away quickly, giving his mother a kiss on the cheek. Narcissa gave Harry a small, grateful smile before leaving. Harry had, after all, vouched for them both during the Death Eater Trials to ensure that neither mother nor son went to Azkaban, unlike Lucius Malfoy, who's sentencing had been immediate and non-negotiable. </p>
<p>Harry thought for a moment that Malfoy was going to send a snide remark his way, but then he was approached by Filch and led upstairs, presumably to the new dormitory. Perhaps their childhood rivalry would finally be put to rest this year. Harry wondered what that would mean for them as he took a deep breath and re-entered the Hall.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. salt</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>TW: self harm, panic attacks (mentioned).</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Matt Maeson – Grave Digger<br/><em>“Tell me, if I run away, how long will I bleed?”</em></p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Draco Malfoy hadn't wanted to come back to Hogwarts. There were too many foul memories, and he was struggling enough as it was and knew going back to school would only make things worse. But his mother had insisted, and in all honesty, he had grown weary of seeing her wander the halls of Malfoy Manor, lost in her own thoughts. Draco supposed he was pretty lost too. </p>
<p>What was an ex-Death Eater supposed to do with their life anyway?</p>
<p>Draco pushed those thoughts out of his head as Filch brought him to the painting concealing the entrance to the new eighth year dormitories and told him the password. It was ridiculous, he thought, that he had to share a dormitory with the other eighth years and not just his house. Most of them hated him. But he knew there were a great deal of Slytherins that hated him too, and at least he had a private room here. </p>
<p>Wondering how he would know which room was his, he headed up the stairs and quickly realised that the doors had their names on them. He passed Longbottom, Weasley, Potter, and then – oh no. That was his room right next to Potter's. On his other side was Zabini, and he supposed that they had just put all the boys on one level and the girls on the next one up, but he would've much preferred if their floors where divided by houses. Now he had to share a wall with blasted <em>Potter.</em></p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>Potter. He had seen him downstairs, just outside the Great Hall, looking like he was coming down from a panic attack. Draco was all too familiar with panic attacks, but he wondered why Potter of all people would be overwhelmed enough to have to step outside and calm down. Surely, he would rather be basking in the glory that came with being the saviour of the Wizarding World. </p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>But it didn't matter. Draco planned to avoid him as much as possible, which was made a bit more difficult by having his room right next to his, but he would manage. He would cope. </p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>And he would push his feelings down until they shrivelled into nothing and didn't resurface. </p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>Opening the door to his room, Draco stepped in to find that it looked like a typical Slytherin dormitory, but fitted for just one person with a four poster bed, a desk, wardrobe, a small fireplace with a couple of armchairs (not that he would ever be entertaining a guest) and a door off to the side that led to the bathroom. That was where Draco headed first. </p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>His luggage would be brought up shortly, but all Draco needed was his wand to relieve some of the pressure of the day. And it had been a very difficult day – leaving the Manor after feeling like he was trapped there all summer, dealing with his mother fussing over him as she said goodbye, returning to the school that brought back so many memories, and seeing Potter… </p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>He needed this, he told himself as he pushed up the sleeve of his left forearm. Underneath, where his skin had once been pale and spotless, numerous scars shone angry and red, some fresh, some very old. He was running out of room if he was perfectly honest. And underneath it all, the reason he had begun cutting in the first place, was the hideous Dark Mark. The skull and snake tattoo had the most scars covering it, some of them particularly gruesome from where he had tried to cut or burn it off. He knew it would never truly go away, but at least he could get some pleasure from marring it as best he could. And over time, the cutting had become a reprieve, a way to release all the anger and despair that was bottled up inside him. </p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>Taking out his wand, he whispered a curse as he drew it across a space on his arm, the tip of his wand acting as a blade. Blood welled up, and Draco let out a sigh as he watched it slowly drip into the sink. Looking up at his reflection, he hated what he saw. He was a shadow of his former self, he knew that. </p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>Disgusting, despicable. </p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>The self-loathing reared its head and threatened to drag him down into a place deep within himself that he didn’t want to explore. He dragged his wand across his arm once more to silence it. </p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>After a few shuddering breaths, he watched calmly as the blood continued to drip off the side of his arm, until eventually it slowed and started to clot. Draco then whispered the healing spell that would seal the cuts but not make them disappear completely. They were there in part to cover up the Dark Mark after all.</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>Satisfied, Draco left the bathroom, not daring to look back up at the mirror again.</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. start again</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Lewis Capaldi – Bruises<br/><em>“I’ve been told to get you off my mind<br/>But I hope I never lose the bruises that you left behind<br/>Oh my lord, I need you by my side<br/>Even though I’m nothing to you now.”</em></p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Harry headed back into the Great Hall with his head down, trying not to be noticed. The Sorting Ceremony had begun, so most students' attention was now on the first years and the Hat. </p>
<p>"Harry, Harry!" Ron whispered loudly, looking like he was about to burst as Harry sat back down. "Guess who the new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher is?"</p>
<p>Harry's eyes immediately turned to the head table, searching for new faces, but the face he saw was one that was so familiar that for a moment he felt as though he couldn't breathe again. But it couldn't be – he was dead.</p>
<p>"Aberforth!" Ron said excitedly beside him, and Harry realised of course, <em>of course</em> it wasn't Dumbledore, it was his brother. The two looked so alike that they could be twins, but as Harry really looked, he could see the subtle differences. </p>
<p>"It'll be great, won't it?" Ron went on. "I mean, he helped out in the final battle and everything."</p>
<p>Hermione gave him a stern look as if to say not to bring up the battle after Harry just had a small episode. Harry gave her a small smile. "Yeah, it'll be good," he said to Ron. Glancing back up at the teacher's table, he saw that Aberforth – Professor Dumbledore, he supposed; that would take some getting used to – was watching him with a knowing look. </p>
<p>The rest of the feast passed as usual, and Harry was all too glad when it was finally over and they could turn in. Hermione and Ron shooed away the younger students who tried to ask Harry questions as they left – they were mostly first and second years who hadn't already been to school with Harry. It was a relief to finally get away from the crowds of people.</p>
<p>When they reached the new dormitory, Harry took a moment to take in the common room. It was smaller than the house common rooms, as there were less students for it to house, but it still had a cosy feeling. A banner for each of the houses hung on the walls, and a great fireplace set into the wall filled the room with warmth. Heading upstairs, he saw that each room was labelled with the owner's name, and with a jolt he saw that Malfoy's was next to his. </p>
<p>Thinking back on how Malfoy had looked when he arrived, Harry wondered if perhaps he wasn't coping too well after the war. If Harry himself struggled from time to time, then surely Malfoy, whose family had been slandered by the press and whose father had been sent to Azkaban, who had endured just as much as Harry had only on the opposite side of the war… </p>
<p>What better time than now, Harry thought, to bury the hatchet. Maybe they would never really be friends, but if he didn't try, he would never know. And he didn't want to leave someone to suffer on their own, even if it was Malfoy. </p>
<p>Having made his decision, Harry walked up to Malfoy's door and raised his hand to knock, and right at that moment Malfoy opened the door. The shock on his face probably mirrored Harry's own. </p>
<p>"I think you have the wrong door, Potter," Malfoy said with a sneer, but there was none of the usual malice behind it. That was a good sign, right? In fact, he sort of looked… tired. The circles under his eyes were so much more pronounced close up, and his eyes looked hazy. </p>
<p>"Actually, I wanted to talk to you."</p>
<p>"Not interested." Malfoy pushed past him and pulled his door shut, heading down the stairs. Harry followed.</p>
<p>Malfoy, hearing the painting concealing the dormitory entrance swing shut behind Harry, scowled back at him. </p>
<p>"Why are following me?" he asked without slowing down.</p>
<p>"Because I said I wanted to talk."</p>
<p>"What could you possibly have to say to me?"</p>
<p>Malfoy had entered the chamber of moving staircases and was halfway down one with Harry close behind when the staircase decided to move, forcing them to come to a halt while it decided where to drop them off. </p>
<p>"I think we should start over," Harry said.</p>
<p>Malfoy finally turned to face him. "Meaning?"</p>
<p>"I know we were rivals for most of school, and then… the war…" Harry swallowed hard. "But I think that we should put all of that behind us."</p>
<p>Malfoy didn't respond, only furrowed his brow. Since he wasn't immediately shutting him down, Harry saw that as an opportunity and stuck out his hand, taking them back to all those years ago when they had first met.</p>
<p>"I'm Harry. Harry Potter."</p>
<p>Malfoy only stared at the hand extended to him, weariness creeping across his face. Until finally, with a small sigh, he accepted it. </p>
<p>"Malfoy," he said, looking up at Harry two steps above him. "Draco Malfoy."</p>
<p>Harry couldn't help the grin that spread across his face.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. hindsight</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you so much for all the support on this so far! Also just a reminder to please listen to the song for each chapter, I recommend listening while reading. :)</p>
<p>Delacey – The Subway Song<br/><em>“Take me home, I feel homesick<br/>I don’t know where I’m going.”</em></p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Draco didn't know where he was headed, he had simply felt cooped up in his room and needed some air. And then, of course, Potter had cornered him with a proposal – that they start over. Draco didn't want to admit it, but the gesture meant so much to him that if he hadn't made a quick getaway after shaking Potter's hand, he might've done something stupid. </p>
<p>It was what he'd wanted from the beginning after all, to be Potter's friend. But his rejection in first year had led Draco to be resentful, causing him to lash out in ways that he hadn’t truly wanted to. </p>
<p>But what did this mean going forward? Could they really be friends after everything that they had been through? It was a miracle that Potter would even consider it after all of the horrible things that Draco had done, the way he had treated him and his friends… Surely he wasn't worthy of his friendship, let alone anything else. Potter should hate him, but of course he's too good to even hold a grudge. </p>
<p>Walking down the castle's quiet corridors, Draco wasn’t paying much attention to surroundings, and so he almost didn't notice the large ornate door that appeared next to him as he walked past. Glancing back, he was sure it hadn't been there a moment before, and that was when he recognised it. </p>
<p>The Room of Requirement. </p>
<p>Draco stood before it as emotions churned through him. This was the place that he had almost died, the place that Potter had saved his life. He was surprised that it hadn't been destroyed by the fiendfyre. </p>
<p>What would it show him now, he wondered? What did it think he needed? Draco decided he didn't want to know and hastily headed down the corridor. The Room only served as a reminder of the life debt that he owed to Potter, and how he could never possibly repay it. There were a lot of days when Draco wished that Potter had failed to save him. </p>
<p>It was that thought that carried him up to the Astronomy Tower. He wished it hadn't, as this place was only another reminder of his failings. He supposed, however, that he was glad that he had failed at that particular task. It didn't change the outcome, but at least Dumbledore didn't fall at his hands. </p>
<p>Draco stood at the railing, looking out over the lake, letting time slip by like sand. After several minutes, or maybe it was hours, he left and headed back downstairs without looking back.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. civility</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Noah Kahan – Hurt Somebody (with Julia Michaels)<br/><em>“Taking it slowly<br/>I’m afraid to be lonely<br/>And I know that we need this<br/>But I’ve been too afraid to follow through.”</em></p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"You did <em>what?</em>"</p>
<p>They were sitting in the Great Hall for breakfast the first day of classes. Harry knew that there were likely to be mixed reactions among his friends when he told them of the proposal he had given Malfoy to start over. Ron's mouth was hanging open, while Hermione's was in a tight line.</p>
<p>"Everyone deserves a second chance, don't they?"</p>
<p>"Yeah but come on, Harry, he's <em>Malfoy!</em>" cried Ron.</p>
<p>Hermione seemed to relax a bit as she considered it. "You're right," she said. "He can't redeem himself if we don't even give him a chance."</p>
<p>Ron's face only turned redder. "Hermione! You remember all the things he used to call you. You can't forgive him just like that." He snapped his fingers to emphasise the point.</p>
<p>"And I haven't," she replied. "But I'm going to give him the opportunity to show that he's changed, and then I'll consider it. You should as well."</p>
<p>"Pfft," was all Ron said after that.</p>
<p>"Thanks, Hermione," said Harry. He was really counting on his friends' help and support to make Malfoy feel included. And he already had an idea for how to do it. "I have a suggestion – we all go to the Three Broomsticks for drinks this Friday night. All the eighth years, Malfoy included, and the other Slytherins too I suppose."</p>
<p>Ron raised his eyebrows, but before he could say anything, Hermione said, "That's a great idea, it'll be good for house unity!" </p>
<p>"Great!" Harry had a quick look around the Hall, and of the eighth years he spotted Neville just walking in, almost missing breakfast altogether, and Parkinson and Zabini sitting at the Slytherin table. "You guys let Neville know, I'll go get the Slytherins?"</p>
<p>As Hermione and Ron waved Neville over, Harry stood up and headed over to the Slytherin table. Zabini had his arm around Parkinson's shoulders, and when he caught their eyes they both frowned slightly. </p>
<p>"Hey Parkinson, Zabini," he started, "we were thinking of doing a night out at the Three Broomsticks this Friday, for all the eighth years. Would you be interested in coming?"</p>
<p>"Yeah, sure," said Parkinson.</p>
<p>Zabini shrugged. "Whatever."</p>
<p>"Great. Love the enthusiasm," Harry said with a double thumbs up before walking away, thinking that it definitely could've gone worse.</p>
<p>Sitting back with his friends, the four of them chatted for a bit – Neville was definitely down for drinks – before they parted ways to go to their first class, the Golden Trio to Potions and Neville to Herbology. </p>
<p>The Potions class was a mixture of eighth year students and NEWT level seventh years and was taught by Professor Slughorn as he had agreed to come back after the war. Harry immediately noticed Malfoy standing at a bench near the back. He tried to catch his eye, but soon Slughorn was welcoming them to the class and explaining their first project. He finished by stating that it was a partner project and asked for everyone to find a partner. </p>
<p>Ron immediately turned to Harry, but Harry scoffed. "What are you looking at me for? Hermione's better at Potions than I am, and besides, you’re dating now so you don't want to leave her to find some other random partner."</p>
<p>"Who are you gonna go with then?"</p>
<p>Harry made a snap decision, picked up his stuff and headed over to Malfoy's bench, noticing that no one else had approached him so far. "Hey," he said as he set himself up.</p>
<p>Malfoy only looked at him side on. Back at the table he'd just vacated, Ron was shaking his head. </p>
<p>"You're good at potions, right?" </p>
<p>"Doesn't mean you can leech off me, Potter."</p>
<p>"Of course not, I fully expect to be working together on this one." </p>
<p>Malfoy looked at him fully then, a slight frown on his face as though he were calculating. "You really mean this whole starting over thing then?"</p>
<p>"Definitely. Maybe we can even be friends, I mean I'm optimistic. But if that's going to happen, I think we should go by first names."</p>
<p>Malfoy's frown turned into a scowl. "That's not happening." </p>
<p>"Okay, okay." Harry held up his hands in a gesture of surrender. He knew that might be pushing it too far this early on, but he had hopes to win him over eventually. </p>
<p>All the groups had finished forming and moving around at that point, and Slughorn began telling the students the instructions for their projects. It was a very open ended project, allowing the teams to choose a potion that interested them and test a component of it over a series of experiments to see if it worked differently under different conditions or with a different ingredient, and the goal was to either see if there was a way to improve the potion or find a potential new use for it. </p>
<p>The rest of the class progressed amicably, Harry and Malfoy debating which potions might be good candidates, looking up the properties of each in their textbooks and checking the storeroom for the right stock, before finally deciding on one. There was still five minutes or so of class. </p>
<p>"Oh, I almost forgot!" Harry exclaimed. "We're planning on getting all the eighth years together for drinks at the Three Broomsticks this Friday night, and you're coming."</p>
<p>"You're not going to give me a choice, are you?"</p>
<p>"Well, I'd very much like it if you came. Hermione is pushing for house unity among the eighth years, so I thought this is a good way to start off the year." Harry knew he was using Hermione's desire for house unity to cover up the fact that he just really wanted Malfoy to come, but hey, whatever worked.</p>
<p>"So Pansy and Blaise will be there?"</p>
<p>"Yep, they already agreed."</p>
<p>Malfoy sighed through his nose. "Fine."</p>
<p>"Yes!" Harry didn’t bother to hide his excitement.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. one door closes</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Billie Eilish – everything i wanted<br/><em>“If I could change the way that you see yourself</em><br/>  <em>You wouldn’t wonder why you hear</em><br/>  <em>‘They don’t deserve you.’”</em></p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Draco spent the rest of the day hunting down Pansy and Blaise between classes. He wasn't looking forward to this chat, as he'd kind of been avoiding them so far. But they had once been his friends, and if Potter could make an effort to be friends with someone like him, then he could make an effort to reconcile with his own friends.</p>
<p>He finally found them lounging under a tree in the courtyard and braced himself as he walked over. </p>
<p>"Pansy, Blaise," he greeted. </p>
<p>"Draco," Pansy replied. </p>
<p>He didn't know what to say, so he jumped straight to his current predicament. "You're going to this drinks thing on Friday, right?" They both gave small nods, and Draco gathered his resolve. "I was hoping we could stick together when we go, like old times."</p>
<p>It was a weak proposal, he knew, and he saw straight away that it didn't go over well with Pansy. She stood up to face him properly, and Draco had to will himself not to cringe away from the fire in her eyes.</p>
<p>"What, you expect you can mend your bridges just like that? Look, I know that you went through some shit Draco, but we all did. The least you could've done was reach out. We would've been there for you. But instead you shut us out, even when we tried to contact you during the Trials. So don't expect us to be there for you now when you obviously don't want our friendship, you just want someone there to be your buffer."</p>
<p>Her last words were practically spat at him, and Draco finally did flinch at that. He felt his stomach caving in, and he looked to Blaise for some assistance, but there was only a cold indifference in his face. Pansy sat back down with a huff.</p>
<p>"I don't think we'll be going on Friday night anymore," Blaise said calmly. </p>
<p>Draco could only nod and walk back the way he came, mourning the little piece of his heart that he left behind with them. </p>
<p>He avoided pretty much everyone for the next couple of days, but he knew that he would have to talk to Potter in Potions, so he thought he should probably let him know sooner rather than later that he was no longer going to come on Friday. Better to get it over with. </p>
<p>On the way to class, when Draco spotted the Golden Trio, he saw his opportunity.</p>
<p>“Potter,” he called out, causing the three of them to stop. "I need to talk to you."</p>
<p>Potter nodded to his friends to carry on ahead, and then walked alongside Draco at a slower pace. "What's up?"</p>
<p>"I've changed my mind about Friday."</p>
<p>"Nooo!" Draco really wanted to point out that he sounded like a child, but kept his mouth shut. "Why, did something happen?" Draco tried to keep his face blank but was apparently unsuccessful. "What happened, Malfoy?"</p>
<p>"It doesn't matter." Potter only stared at him, waiting for an answer, until Draco sighed and figured he may as well tell him. "Pansy and Blaise aren't going anymore so I just don't want to be the only Slytherin there. That's all."</p>
<p>"Wait, why aren't they going anymore?"</p>
<p>Draco pursed his lips, unsure of how much he should say. "Because of me."</p>
<p>"I thought you were friends with them."</p>
<p>"So did I."</p>
<p>"Hey, hey." Potter stopped them just outside the door to the classroom, everyone else having already gone in. "If you ever need to talk to someone, I'm here. I know this is new and all, but I really want this to work."</p>
<p>Draco could only stare at Potter. He'd rarely ever had anyone offer to be there for him in his times of need. Every instinct told him to push away any and all kindness, to deal with it on his own the way he was raised to. But where had that gotten him? Standing here in front of him was Harry Potter himself, with his stupid glasses and messy hair and earnest green eyes, just wanting to be there for him. Curse him for being so perfect. </p>
<p>"And I'd still really like for you to come on Friday," Potter added. </p>
<p>Draco pinched the bridge of his nose. How could he say no? "Okay, okay." </p>
<p>He looked back up to see Potter grinning, and the sight of it made Draco warm, because he had caused it. "Come on, let’s go inside." </p>
<p>The whole lesson, Draco couldn't stop staring at Potter's smile.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. plunge</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>lovelytheband – broken (acoustic) <br/><em>“There’s something tragic, but almost pure<br/>Think I could love you, but I’m not sure.”<em></em></em></p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Friday rolled around far too quickly, and as Draco stood in front of his mirror he almost decided not to go again because he couldn't figure out what to wear. He knew it was just casual drinks, but all his day clothes were still very fine, and he didn’t want to stand out. He knew he would regardless, but whatever he could do to blend in would help.</p>
<p>He eventually settled on his plainest pullover sweater, which still had a nice silver trim, over a collared shirt and plain black pants. Simple. No need to overthink it. It’s not like that was what he'd spent the last twenty minutes doing. </p>
<p>There was knock at his door, and he ran a hand through his hair in an attempt to flatten it (he'd stopped using gel sometime during the war when he was too stressed to care much about his appearance) and opened the door to Potter. </p>
<p>Potter gave him a quick once over, then simply said, "Come on, we're heading out now."</p>
<p>The rest of the Gryffindors and a few Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs whose names he did not recall were milling about the common room and started to make their way out as he and Potter came down the stairs. Draco gave a nod to Granger and Weasley, hoping it would at least start them out on the right foot, and they nodded back. Okay. This wouldn't be too difficult. </p>
<p>Potter stuck next to Draco as the group made their way over to Hogsmeade, trailing a little bit behind once again. </p>
<p>"Hey, I'm sorry about Pansy and Blaise," Potter said after a while.</p>
<p>Draco only raised his eyebrows, surprised to hear Potter using their first names. It took Draco a few minutes to respond, but he replied, "It's not your fault."</p>
<p>"It's not fair of them, though."</p>
<p>"I think they have a right to blame me."</p>
<p>"Blame you for what?" Potter actually sounded like he was outraged at even the thought. "Malfoy, I don't know exactly what happened, but you can't blame yourself. Everyone has different circumstances that they have to deal with, and sometimes we can't help that. What's important is that we try to be there for each other, but if they couldn’t do that then maybe they just need time." </p>
<p>"I don't know…"</p>
<p>"Just trust me. Either they'll come around or you'll be better off without them."</p>
<p>Draco was discovering that Potter was actually really easy to talk to, and even easier to open up to, which was a scary thought. There were many things that Draco was ashamed of, and there were certain truths about him that he'd never shared with anyone and didn't know how because he had pushed that part of him down so deep. That identity was buried right at the back of his mind, the bottom of his soul, and if he knew that if he dug it up it would change everything. </p>
<p>"Do you ever feel like who are goes against everything you were raised to be?" he found himself asking.</p>
<p>Potter gave him a piercing look, and Draco felt like he was seeing straight through to that hidden part of him. "More than you know. You probably don’t know much about what being raised by my aunt and uncle was like, but… maybe one day I'll tell you, for now I'll spare you the gory details."</p>
<p>That made Draco more curious than ever, but he kept quiet, waiting for him to continue.</p>
<p>"Basically, they raised me to believe that magic was terrible, and that being different in general was terrible, and so it took me a little while to come to terms with the fact that they had been feeding me lies my whole life."</p>
<p>"I never knew that."</p>
<p>Potter nodded. "But if you're being your true self, then that can't be wrong. So be whoever you want to be, Draco Malfoy." </p>
<p>Potter grinned at him, and this time Draco smiled back. </p>
<p>At that point they had reached the Three Broomsticks, and the group found a large booth inside and ordered a round of butterbeers. Draco sat at one end, across from Potter and next to Granger, Weasley on her other side. The two had their hands joined on the table, but Granger regularly turned to him to make conversation as the others were chatting, and she was so nice to him that Draco wondered how he could have ever thrown slurs at her. He almost felt like he didn't deserve her kindness, but she somehow made him feel worthy of it. Potter also frequently included him in conversations, but mostly he listened as everyone chatted, catching up on what had happened over the summer and recounting old memories. Every now and then something to do with the war would be brought up, and a few nervous glances would be thrown his way. But Potter or Granger (and even Weasley once) would quickly change the subject. </p>
<p>The butterbeer flowed and so did the conversation, until Potter quieted them all down. "I have an announcement to make! The next round is on me." There were cheers from all the boys bar Draco, but Potter interrupted, "No, no, that's not the announcement you twats! I have something to tell you all." He paused for a moment, looking around at everyone's faces as if savouring the anticipation. "I'm bi."</p>
<p>There was another moment of shocked silence, but Granger and Weasley were grinning – of course they already knew. Longbottom clapped him on the back and said, "Good on you for coming out, mate!" and the cheers started up again. </p>
<p>Draco was shocked, but there was another feeling swelling up inside him. Was that… hope? No, don't be ridiculous, Draco thought as he squashed it down. </p>
<p>Potter's round of butterbeers arrived, and Weasley led them all in a toast. "To Harry Potter! The Boy Who Lived and the sexiest bi wizard in all of Britain!" Draco thought Weasley must be a little drunk, but they all raised their glasses regardless. </p>
<p>"To Harry Potter!" they cried, and Draco found himself joining in. As he took a sip of butterbeer, he noticed Potter watching him over the rim of his own glass. His face was a bit flushed – from the alcohol, he told himself – and it made his eyes seem even more green. Draco made himself hold his gaze until Potter's attention was drawn away by someone else. </p>
<p>Eventually they migrated from the booth over to the pool table, and currently Weasley and Longbottom were playing while some of the others cheered them on. Draco was stood nearby with Potter and Granger, and they had been chatting about their Potions projects. When they finished off their drinks, Potter volunteered to grab them some more and headed off to the bar, leaving him alone with Granger. </p>
<p>"I'm really glad you came tonight, Malfoy," she said. </p>
<p>"Me too. I've actually quite enjoyed myself." </p>
<p>"I'm glad to hear it. I think that this year is going to be really good for all of us."</p>
<p>"Yeah, I hope so." Draco thought for a moment, knowing there were things he wanted to say but not sure how to say them. "Listen, I want to thank you for… being so kind to me tonight, I know I probably don’t deserve it –"</p>
<p>"Malfoy, everyone deserves a second chance."</p>
<p>"Still, I just want to say…" Draco steeled himself, needing to say this and wanting her to know how much he meant it. "I'm sorry for the way I used to treat you. There's no excuse. And I can't take it back, but I want to do everything I can to make up for it." </p>
<p>Her eyes softened, and she smiled as she said, "Thank you, Malfoy. That means a lot."</p>
<p>And then she did something that he hadn't been expecting at all – she stepped up onto her toes and hugged him. For a few seconds Draco was frozen, before he tentatively hugged back. It was only brief, but after she let go Draco couldn't find any words. He couldn't remember the last time he had been hugged, and just that quick embrace was flooding him with feelings that he didn’t know what to do with. He eyes started to well up, and so he looked down and gave a small cough in the hopes of covering it up.</p>
<p>"I think I might call it night."</p>
<p>"Okay, no worries." Of course, she was understanding as well as kind.</p>
<p>"Tell Potter goodbye for me?"</p>
<p>"Will do. Goodnight, Malfoy."</p>
<p>"Goodnight." </p>
<p>Draco made his way out, and out of the corner of his eye he saw Potter headed towards Granger with three butterbeers in hand. The corners of his eyes were still watery and threatening to spill over, so he kept going until he was outside and headed back towards the castle. He couldn't even fathom why he was so upset.</p>
<p>"Malfoy, wait up!" came a call from behind him.</p>
<p>Draco really didn't feel like he was up to talking to Potter right at that moment, so he kept walking. Potter's hand grabbed on to his wrist in an attempt to slow him down, his left wrist, and in a panic he spun around he yanked it out of his grip.</p>
<p>"Don't touch me!" Draco held his wrist to his chest, feeling the cuts there as if they were burning. But then he noticed Potter's face, his mouth open and eyes wide.</p>
<p>"I didn't mean –"</p>
<p>"No, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Draco said, dropping his arm. Seemed like he was just full of apologies tonight. "I didn't mean to yell at you."</p>
<p>Potter nodded. "How come you left?"</p>
<p>"I had a good time, really," Draco assured him. "I guess I just got a bit overwhelmed." </p>
<p>"Oh. Yeah, of course, I'm sorry if I put a lot of pressure on you by dragging you here –"</p>
<p>"No, I'm glad I came."</p>
<p>"Okay. Good. I'll walk you back then."</p>
<p>"You really don't have to –"</p>
<p>"No, I want to."</p>
<p>"And there's no convincing you otherwise is there?"</p>
<p>"Nope. You can’t get rid of me that easily."</p>
<p>Draco couldn't help a small smile as Potter fell into step beside him and they headed back towards the castle. He noticed him glancing at the wrist he had grabbed a couple times, however, and felt like his gaze was burning holes straight through his sleeve. To distract him, Draco asked, "So you're really bi?"</p>
<p>"Yep. Well, I've never been with a guy but I'm pretty sure. No, definitely sure. Pretty definitely sure."</p>
<p>Draco chuckled at that, and Potter looked at him with his eyebrows raised. "Hey, I don't think I've ever heard a genuine laugh out of you before. I'm getting through to you!"</p>
<p>"Keep telling yourself that," Draco said with a smile and a shake of his head. "Okay but, you're not afraid at all of… coming out?"</p>
<p>"I mean, I knew my friends would be accepting, but there might be some negative reactions once it gets out to the public. It's not like I'm going to try and keep it a secret or anything now that I've told the people that matter to me the most, so if it happens, it happens. But I'm not going to let it bother me, because it's who I am and damn anyone who disagrees with that."</p>
<p>Draco thought for a moment on whether that meant he was included in the people that mattered most to Potter, but decided that that was just wishful thinking. </p>
<p>"Still… that was brave." </p>
<p>"Is that a compliment, Malfoy?" Potter held a hand to his heart as if he was so shocked he might have a heart attack. "Why, I never would've thought!"</p>
<p>"Sod off, Potter," Draco said, but he couldn't help the upwards tug of his lips. And Potter's grin only made his own grow wider, like it was contagious. </p>
<p>They finally reached the eighth year dormitories, and Potter followed him all the way up to their side-by-side rooms.</p>
<p>"Aren't you going to head back?" Draco asked.</p>
<p>"Now that I've walked all the way here I don't much feel like it, to be honest. Besides, I don't think they'll be out that much later anyway."</p>
<p>"Ah." They stood in the hall, facing each other, and Draco found himself wishing that the night didn’t have to end. Instead, he said, "Goodnight, Potter."</p>
<p>"Night, Malfoy."</p>
<p>Draco retreated to his room with one last glance back at Potter, and as he closed his door, he realised that for the first time in a long time he was content.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. trust</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Ben Howard – Promise<br/><em>“Tearing down the doors of time<br/>Shelter as we go.”</em></p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Harry was very satisfied with how last night had gone. Not only had he come out to the rest of his friends (at least in eighth year, there was still Luna, but he had a strange feeling that she already knew), but it had also been a success with Malfoy. Everyone had been accepting of him being there and had helped to make him feel comfortable, and he knew he owed a great deal to Hermione in particular for that. He had even taken his time getting drinks at the bar so that they could have a one-on-one chat, and sure, Malfoy had felt like that was his limit and wanted to leave afterwards but Hermione had reassured him that their conversation had gone really well.</p>
<p>Over the course of the next week, Harry and Malfoy's Potions project started to move along more, and they began having study sessions outside of class. Harry also invited him to join in on group study sessions for other classes, and sometimes he would, sometimes he wouldn't. But he was always there for the one-on-one sessions, and Harry definitely counted that as a win. </p>
<p>It was at one of these study sessions, however, that Harry noticed Malfoy's dark circles were returning.</p>
<p>"Hey, are you getting enough sleep?" he asked. </p>
<p>"What?" </p>
<p>"I just want to make sure you're sleeping okay."</p>
<p>Malfoy rubbed his eyes. "Is it that obvious?"</p>
<p>Harry gave small smile as he said, "Just a little."</p>
<p>Malfoy sighed and sat back in his chair. They were sitting at a table in a secluded alcove at the back of the library, away from the distraction of other students – or at least, that was the reason Harry had told himself when he chose the spot. He watched Malfoy, who was looking toward a nearby window but didn't seem to actually be seeing out of it, like he was deep in thought. Harry had started to recognise the small crease between his eyebrows when he was contemplating sharing something. </p>
<p>"Do you ever get nightmares… about the war?" Malfoy asked. </p>
<p>Harry knew this was important, and he wanted to make sure he didn't scare Malfoy into closing himself off again. So he went with honesty. "Yeah, sometimes."</p>
<p>Malfoy closed his eyes, that crease in his brow stubbornly remaining. "I get them every night. And sometimes they feel so real that I forget that the war is over, that he's dead, and I'm safe. And when I wake up, I don't want to go back to sleep because I don't want to feel that way again. I don't want to see his face again." He took in a deep breath and opened his eyes but still looked towards to the window. "Sometimes I end up going for a walk so just so that I don't fall back asleep."</p>
<p>"Where do you go?"</p>
<p>"The Astronomy Tower, usually."</p>
<p>Harry hadn't expected that, would've thought it more likely that the Astronomy Tower would hold too many bad memories for Malfoy. But he supposed it made sense if nightmares that made him dwell on the past would draw him to a place of such significance. </p>
<p>"Well if you ever get tired of trekking up those stairs, you can always knock on my door instead."</p>
<p>Malfoy looked at him, grey eyes shining and a grateful smile on his lips. Harry’s breath caught for a second, but he told himself it was just because helping out a friend meant a great deal to him. And he wanted to help Malfoy, he really did. Because he was his friend.</p>
<p>They returned to their work after that, and Malfoy's smile lingered for a long time.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. caving in</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>KALEO – Way Down We Go<br/><em>“Father, tell me, do we get what we deserve?”</em></p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Draco could feel his walls crumbling. Once, he would have been terrified to let anyone this close, but when he was around Potter all those fears melted away and he felt like he could be himself. It certainly wasn't what he had expected going into this tentative friendship, but every now and then he would feel like he was happy again, and he wanted to cling to that feeling.</p>
<p>And so of course, when Draco was feeling like things might be slowly getting better, the universe had to remind him why that couldn’t be allowed to happen. </p>
<p>He was headed toward the Great Hall for dinner, and he was a bit late so the corridors were mostly quiet. He rounded a corner and found that his path was blocked by two burly Slytherins who Draco thought must be seventh years. Not wanting any trouble, he turned to head back the other way when another boy stepped out from an alcove in the corridor behind him. He was cornered. </p>
<p>"Not going anywhere were you Malfoy?" the one behind him asked. He was the tallest of the three; the others were shorter than him but made up for it in what Draco hoped was just fat, not muscle. </p>
<p>"I was actually. If you'll step aside, I'll just be on my way –" </p>
<p>"Not so fast," said the one of the boys as he stopped Draco from stepping around him. He looked more closely at the three of them, focusing on the one who had spoken first. He thought he felt some recognition, and then it clicked. </p>
<p>"You're Snyde's kid." </p>
<p>"That's right," Snyde said with an ugly, lopsided grin. "You remember my father, do you? I thought he mustn't've been worth your time."</p>
<p>"Look, whatever happened to him, I'm sorry –"</p>
<p>"Whatever happened to him?" Snyde bellowed. "He was shipped off to Azkaban!"</p>
<p>"I'm sorry, but how is that my fault?"</p>
<p>"Doesn't matter, really." Snyde sniffed and took a casual step forward. Draco saw his wand shoot out of his sleeve and into his hand. "But you're a traitor to the Dark Lord, so you're as good as anyone else to blame for it."</p>
<p>Draco swallowed. "The Dark Lord is dead."</p>
<p>"But his legacy lives on," said one of the boys behind him. Draco didn’t turn to see which one. </p>
<p>"We only want a little revenge for our imprisoned fathers," said Snyde. "And our fallen Lord."</p>
<p>A long time ago, Draco would've said something along the lines of 'My father will hear about this.' But he only had himself to rely on now, and really, even back then he had only ever counted on himself. So why should now be any different?</p>
<p>He slipped his wand out of his own sleeve, and immediately had to deflect a curse thrown at him by Snyde. He was forced to stay on the defence with the three of them surrounding him, but they got around his defences far too quickly. He was hit in the stomach with a hex that sent him flying against the wall, hitting his head. His vision burred, and just as he tried to raise his wand again one of the boys slammed his arm back against the wall. He dropped his wand, and then he was punched in the stomach right where the hex had hit him.</p>
<p>He caved forward, and then Snyde was in his ear saying something along on the lines of, "Till next time." </p>
<p>They dropped him, and he slid to the floor clutching his stomach. Dazed, he looked up to see they had disappeared. He hadn’t even gotten the names of the other two. Not that he could report them. It was bad enough that every Slytherin as well as the general public hated him and his family. Calling out other Slytherins, and sons of Death Eaters no less, would only being him more trouble. </p>
<p>Draco rested his pounding head back against the cool concrete as he struggled to get his breath back, his stomach aching. He knew he had to get up before someone wandered down this hall and found him. He spotted his wand a few feet away, scooped it up and used the wall to push himself to his feet. It made his head pound harder for a second, but with every breath it lessoned slightly. He didn't want to even think about checking his stomach for a bruise, knowing it would be bad. </p>
<p>He considered skipping dinner and going straight to his dorm, but he had already skipped lunch earlier. And if the boys who had attacked him were there, then it would show them that it hadn't really affected him, right? He also knew that if he didn't show up for lunch <em>or</em> dinner, Potter would come looking for him for make sure he was doing okay. And he was fine. </p>
<p>He was fine. </p>
<p>He wasn't going to let his thoughts fall back into those dark places, wasn't going to let himself think he deserved it. Wasn't going to…</p>
<p>No. He steeled himself and continued on his way to the Great Hall. He wasn't going to let this stupid attack bring him back down when he had been doing so well the last few weeks. He hadn't even cut since the first night he arrived, and he didn't want to fall back into that habit just yet. </p>
<p>When he reached the Great Hall, he headed straight for the Slytherin table but gave it a quick sweep of his eyes as he walked over. No sign of those seventh years, but there was something else. One too many people were looking up at him as he passed. In fact, there were a lot of eyes following him from around the room. Surely they hadn't roughed up his face as well and he'd just been too dazed to remember, right?</p>
<p>No, he realised as he sat down, seeing that almost everyone had what looked like a Daily Prophet news bulletin in front of them. They weren't like the full papers that came in the morning, but rather smaller issues for breaking news. </p>
<p>Everyone in his vicinity stared at him as he sat down, and he had a sinking feeling that the bulletin was going to be another story slandering him and his family. </p>
<p>"What?" he snapped at a bug-eyed first year across from him. The boy flinched and passed his paper across to him. Draco snatched it and saw that the front page featured a full-size photo of his father behind the bars of Azkaban. His eyes looked crazed, and he was sneering at the camera before lunging at the bars with a snap of his teeth. Then he would retreat, and the moving picture would play again. </p>
<p>It took a long moment for Draco to tear his eyes away and finally look at the article. He skimmed through it, and he had been right about it slandering his family. Apparently, some older pureblood families had called for an appeal for Lucius, which had only given people an excuse to drag the Malfoy family name through the mud once again. Furthermore, the article had ridiculed his mother, saying that she was high on medication and should locked up like her husband. By the time he got to the bottom of the page, his hands were fists clutching the paper, but then he saw his own name. 'Draco Malfoy, ex-Death Eater himself, allowed to return to Hogwarts… utter scandal, endangering the lives of students…' </p>
<p>Draco couldn’t read anymore. He looked up, and his gaze immediately met Potter's across the room. His eyes were so full of sorrow, and Draco couldn't take it. He stood up as quickly as he could and bolted.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. burdened</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>TW: self harm.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Tom Odell – Can’t Pretend<br/><em>“Love, I have wounds only you can mend</em><br/><em>I guess that’s love: I can’t pretend.”</em></p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As soon as Harry saw Malfoy get up and speed walk for the doors, he followed him. Through corridors and up staircases, seemingly at random, Harry followed him. He couldn't believe how terrible that article had been and couldn't even begin to know how difficult this was for Malfoy. All he could do was be there for him, as he had said he would be. </p>
<p>He lost sight of Malfoy, but then he rounded a corner and saw the door to a bathroom. The same bathroom that Harry had followed Malfoy to two years ago, when Malfoy had been breaking down for a different reason. He felt a strong sense of déjà vu crash through him like a wave, causing an uncomfortable tightening in his chest. He hesitated before rounding the corner, letting out a long breath to ease the tension. The last thing he wanted was for this encounter to end the same way. He had a lot of regrets from that day, but he told himself it wasn't going to happen that way again. It couldn't. </p>
<p>Harry entered and walked around the corner slowly, quietly. Malfoy was at the sinks, his head down. His face was visible in the mirror’s reflection, red and tear streaked. He was about to say something, but then Malfoy began pulling up the sleeve of his left arm, and Harry saw against his pale skin the Dark Mark. But worse than the gruesome Mark were the cuts that covered the length of his forearm, jagged and brutal. Malfoy looked down at it in disgust. From his pocket he drew his wand, and he muttered a curse as he drew it across his skin. The wood sliced his skin like a blade, and blood dripped into the sink.</p>
<p>Harry’s sudden intake of breath was louder than he expected, and he stepped back behind the corner. He heard the swish of Malfoy’s robes as he spun around, and in a panic Harry quickly started towards the exit before he could be spotted. </p>
<p>"Stop!" Malfoy shouted, his voice thick. "Who’s there?"</p>
<p>Timidly, Harry stepped back around the corner to face him, his chest tight. "It's just me. Malfoy, I didn’t –"</p>
<p>"Potter," he snarled. "What are you doing here?"</p>
<p>Harry had no idea what to say. His gaze trailed down to Malfoy’s savaged arm, and a heavy weight settled on his chest. He had had no idea how bad it really was, how much Malfoy was struggling. "Malfoy… you shouldn’t…"</p>
<p>He took a few steps closer, but Malfoy only turned back towards the sink, clutching his bleeding arm with his other hand. "It’s none of your business," he hissed. </p>
<p>"Well I think that maybe it is," Harry said, changing tactics. "Because we're friends now, aren't we? I said I would be there for you. And I understand –"</p>
<p>"No, you don’t!" Malfoy whipped around, grabbed Harry's collar and shoved him against the wall. He pressed his wand under Harry’s chin, his eyes red-rimmed and burning. "You don’t understand what I’ve been through, you haven’t done the things I’ve done, you didn’t serve <em>him</em>. You know nothing, and I don’t need your pity!"</p>
<p>He let go just as abruptly and turned back to the sink, gripping the edge with shaky hands. Harry was stunned, rooted in place. </p>
<p>“Just go!” Malfoy roared before he could utter a word. Slowly, Harry backed towards the exit, feeling horribly guilty for leaving but not knowing what else he could do. Just before he turned the corner, he saw Malfoy’s shoulders collapse in a sob.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. collapse</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>gnash – i hate u, i love u feat. Olivia O’Brien<br/><em>“I can’t see the end of this <br/>Just want to feel your kiss against my lips<br/>And now all this time is passing by <br/>But I still can’t seem to tell you why <br/>It hurts me every time I see you<br/>Realise how much I need you.”</em></p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Draco didn't know what to do.</p>
<p>He had just wanted to be get away from everyone, to be alone so that he could relieve some of the immense pain that he was feeling. But of course, Potter had found him, and now he knew about Draco's coping mechanism. </p>
<p>He also might have just pushed away the only true friend he’d ever had. He felt an all new kind of pain at that thought. Just for that new pain, he drew his wand across his arm one more time. Another failure, that's what his friendship with Potter was. And doomed from the start.</p>
<p>Draco didn't return to his dorm until much later that night. He didn’t really sleep either. His self-loathing had well and truly reared its head again, and this time it wanted to stay. </p>
<p>In the morning, Potter tried to intercept him on his way out of his dorm. Draco quickly dodged him and ignored the cries of, "Malfoy, wait!" Perhaps he hadn’t scared him away after all, but that didn’t mean he was going to let Potter get close to him again. He was better off on his own. </p>
<p>Draco spent the day avoiding Potter, which turned out to be immensely difficult. He knew he would have to face him eventually for Potions, but that was a problem for another day. He was finally unsuccessful, however, when Potter followed him all the way from the Great Hall where Malfoy had snagged a piece of bread for dinner and back to his dorm. Draco had thought he was scot free, but Potter managed to get his foot in the door – literally. </p>
<p>"Potter, I swear to Merlin –"</p>
<p>"Malfoy, I just want to talk. Would you let me in?"</p>
<p>"You're not going to move your foot otherwise, are you?" </p>
<p>"Nope."</p>
<p>Draco cursed at him and opened the door. Potter walked right in and turned back around to face him. He closed the door and tossed his bread on the desk nearby, resigned to letting it go stale for now. Potter looked at it in confusion. "Was that supposed to be your dinner?"</p>
<p>Draco crossed his arms. "Get on with it, Potter."</p>
<p>"I want to help you. You know that. And what I saw last night only confirmed how much you need help."</p>
<p>"I don't need your help. I'm fine on my own."</p>
<p>"You're clearly not! Malfoy, I can't let you keep doing this to yourself –"</p>
<p>"Let me? You can't <em>let</em> me? What makes you think that you have any right to –"</p>
<p>"Because I care about you, that's why!" Draco was stunned into silence at that, and even Potter looked like he was shocked he had let it slip. "I won't stand by and watch you destroy yourself."</p>
<p>Draco wanted to come back with some scathing remark, or to just kick him out. But all the fire in him died out as he looked into those green eyes, and he realised… that Potter really did care about him. And he cared about Potter too. Had cared about him for years, only now it was pushing to the surface and demanding to be felt. The knowledge that he cared deeply for Potter overwhelmed him, so much that he almost couldn't bare it. And at the same time as he came to that realisation, looking at the boy in front of him with those gorgeous green eyes that could see straight into his soul, he felt a weight lift off his shoulders. He accepted it. He cared for Harry Potter, and Potter cared for him. He wasn't alone anymore. </p>
<p>He hung his head, and let his hands fall by his sides. "I'm sorry."</p>
<p>He felt Potter step closer to him, and then his arms were wrapping around Draco's neck. He leaned into the embrace, wrapping his arms around his waist to hug him back, and enveloping himself in his warmth. It was comfort like he'd never known before, and it felt like home. Draco clung to him like he was a lifeline and buried his face in his shoulder just as a sob racked uncontrolled through his body. Potter only held him tighter, one hand on the back of his neck, fingers in his hair. </p>
<p>"It's okay. I'm here, Draco." </p>
<p>Hearing his name on Potter's lips finally broke him completely, and the sobs kept coming. They stood like that for a long time, hanging onto each other, Potter letting him cry onto his shoulder. Eventually they pulled apart, and Potter held Draco's face in his hands, wiping away his tears with his thumbs. There was a gentle smile on his face, and Draco couldn't help the flick of his eyes down to Potter’s lips. </p>
<p>"How about I get you some proper food?" he said instead of doing what Draco really wanted him to do. Draco only nodded. "Okay, wait here and I'll be right back."</p>
<p>Draco missed his touch as soon as it disappeared, and as he settled onto one of the armchairs by the fire, he started to wonder if he had imagined it all. But Potter returned less than five minutes later with a tray heaped up with lamb, vegetables, bread and a giant teapot with two cups. Draco picked at the food, eating a little, but mostly he drank the tea. </p>
<p>He felt like he should feel ashamed of breaking down, but somehow Potter made him feel like he was in the safest place in the world. He had cast a charm to get the fire going properly, and he was watching the flames and only occasionally glancing up to check on Draco, giving him a small smile each time. He seemed to know exactly what Draco needed, and he was immensely grateful for it. </p>
<p>When they had both finished their tea, Potter put down his cup and looked at Draco. "I know I've said before to come find me if you ever need to. But I mean it now more than ever. Draco, next time you feel the need to… to cut, please come find me instead. Promise me."</p>
<p>He nodded weakly, a stray tear running down his cheek. Potter only looked at him expectantly. "I promise," he said. </p>
<p>Potter looked satisfied with that. "I'll take this tray downstairs to the common room and hopefully the house elves will come get it during the night." Draco put his cup back down on the tray and Potter picked it up, taking a step towards the door. "Will you be okay tonight?"</p>
<p>"Yeah, I'll be alright." </p>
<p>He nodded, and somehow managed to get the door open with the tray in his hands. Before he could leave, Draco said, "Potter… thank you."</p>
<p>Potter smiled. "Call me Harry."</p>
<p>He left then, closing the door behind him, and Draco stayed sat in front of the fire for a long while after that.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. mending</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>TW: PTSD and panic attacks (both mentioned).</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Vance Joy – Mess is Mine<br/><em>“You’re the reason that I feel so strong</em><br/><em>The reason that I’m hanging on.”</em></p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Harry was determined to help Draco as much as he possibly could, and Draco seemed like he was finally relenting and letting Harry help, much to his relief. And since that night he had finally broken down and let Harry comfort him, Harry had felt like they were closer than ever before, and he didn't want to let go of that feeling. </p>
<p>He had approached Ron and Hermione with an idea the next morning. "Hey guys, I have something to ask of you." </p>
<p>"What is it?" Ron asked through a mouthful of food. </p>
<p>"I want to see if Draco would want to start sitting with us at meals rather than at the Slytherin table."</p>
<p>"Okay."</p>
<p>"Now, hear me out – wait, did you just say okay?" he asked Ron.</p>
<p>"Yeah, it's fine with me. He was cool the other night when we had drinks, so I'm not bothered." </p>
<p>Harry gaped at him. He had expected much more of a rebuttal, but he hadn't even questioned Harry switching to Draco's first name. He looked to Hermione.</p>
<p>"Of course, it's fine. I actually think it's a good idea," she said. "He doesn't seem to have any friends in Slytherin anymore, so it makes sense."</p>
<p>"Yeah, right…" Harry was still a bit perplexed, but just then he noticed Draco enter the Great Hall. He called him over, indicating for him to sit down. </p>
<p>Draco seemed to come over a bit hesitantly, and when he reached the trio he said, "Are you sure?" </p>
<p>"Yeah," he said, Ron and Hermione nodding their approval. He cautiously sat down, and any awkwardness quickly dissipated as Hermione asked them how their Potions project was going. The conversation seemed to pick up right where it left off the other night at the Three Broomsticks, but with Ron included to add to Hermione's descriptions of their experiments and the extra details from their most recent lessons. </p>
<p>The next week progressed in a similar manner. Draco would share his meals with the Golden Trio, sometimes also joined by Neville, or Ginny and Luna. Draco seemed to settle back into their old routine in Potions classes, confidently going about their experiments. Their study sessions, during which they were supposed to be researching more experimentation methods and ways to improve their potion, usually ended with them talking for hours instead. Draco was slowly opening up more and more to Harry, and Harry found himself doing the same for him. </p>
<p>They were sitting on the grass down by the lake, their Potions textbooks forgotten beside them, when Harry told Draco about his PTSD.</p>
<p>"So, it's like unwanted flashbacks?"</p>
<p>"Sort of," Harry said with sigh, tossing the book that was still in his lap to the side and laying back on the grass. Draco did the same beside him. "It's more like memories that I've tried to repress pushing themselves to the surface. Forcing me to relive them. It doesn't happen all that often and usually there's something that triggers it."</p>
<p>Draco was silent for a few minutes. "I get panic attacks sometimes," he finally said. "They always seem to have a trigger as well."</p>
<p>Harry turned his head to look at Draco, and their eyes met. "If I calm you down during a panic attack, will you bring me back to the present if my PTSD hits?"</p>
<p>"How morbidly romantic, Potter," Draco said with a grin, and Harry's breath caught. "Of course I will."</p>
<p>Was Draco flirting with him? Harry had to turn back to look up through the branches of the tree above him, tearing his eyes away from those depthless grey ones before he started to overthink things. He would only drive himself crazy. </p>
<p>They lay there for a while in peaceful silence, watching the leaves rustle in the wind. Draco then rolled onto his side with his head propped up by his elbow and announced, "I have an idea." </p>
<p>"What?" asked Harry, looking back at him and noticing a mischievous glint in his eye. Harry was honestly thrilled that he was able to see this side of Draco at all. </p>
<p>"We should see if the Room of Requirement is still working."</p>
<p>"Wait, what?"</p>
<p>"I walked past it on my first night back, and the door appeared but I didn't go inside."</p>
<p>"Why not?" </p>
<p>"I… wasn't in the best headspace and I didn't know what it would show me, or if it was even operational."</p>
<p>"Ah. Okay, well I'm certainly intrigued."</p>
<p>"Great, let's go!" Draco jumped up.</p>
<p>"Hang on, right now?"</p>
<p>"Scared, Potter?" Draco held out a hand to pull Harry up, and Harry looked at it for a second before taking it and allowing Draco to hoist him up. </p>
<p>"You wish," Harry replied easily. He let go of Draco’s hand somewhat reluctantly, and only because they needed to gather up the books. </p>
<p>They headed up towards the castle once their books were packed away in their bags, and in no time they were before the wall where the Room appeared most frequently. Nothing happened immediately, so Harry paced three times before the wall as Draco watched him. He realised as the door began to take shape that he hadn't thought of a specific room, and he prayed it wouldn't been the Room of Lost Things. He was pretty sure it would be the Room of Burnt Things now anyway. </p>
<p>Once the door had fully formed, Harry and Draco glanced at each other before taking a door handle each and pushing inward. When they stepped in, Harry was instantly greeted with familiarity. He tore his eyes away from his surroundings however to watch Draco instead. He looked a bit stunned at the cavernous room lined with mirrors and filled with duelling equipment. </p>
<p>"What is this room?" he asked.</p>
<p>"This is where I taught Dumbledore's Army how to defend themselves."</p>
<p>Draco's head snapped back towards him. "Wait, is this going to bring up bad memories?"</p>
<p>"No, there's only good memories here," he assured him.</p>
<p>"Okay, good, good…" Draco wandered over to a life size dummy in the middle of a training ring. "I'm honestly surprised the fiendfyre didn't destroy the place."</p>
<p>"I'm glad it didn't."</p>
<p>"And I'm glad you saved me from it." Draco looked back at him again, and there was a flush creeping into his cheeks. "That's actually why I wanted to come here."</p>
<p>Harry furrowed his brow, and Draco took a deep breath. "I wanted to say thank you. For saving my life that day. I owe you a life debt that I can never repay, but I want to try every day to make it worth it. And I should probably say thank you for sticking by me these past weeks and putting up with my bullshit, I know I don’t deserve –"</p>
<p>Harry started walking towards Draco and threw his arms around him, almost toppling him with the force of his hug. </p>
<p>"I –"</p>
<p>"Shut up," Harry said. "You do deserve it. And you don't owe me anything, you hear?"</p>
<p>He felt Draco hug him back and take in another deep breath. "Okay." </p>
<p>Harry pulled back and held Draco by the shoulders so he could look him in the eye. Draco was only about an inch or two taller than him, but Harry's glasses had slipped down his nose a little, so he had to tilt his head up to look at him properly. </p>
<p>"Are you sure? You understand that you deserve the world, and nothing less?" </p>
<p>Draco chuckled and pushed Harry's back glasses back up his nose. "Yes, I understand."</p>
<p>"Do you?"</p>
<p>"Yes, Harry!"</p>
<p>"Okay. Good." Harry finally let go of Draco's shoulders. "Glad that's settled."</p>
<p>Draco only laughed some more, and Harry couldn't stop staring at his lips. He felt a flush creeping up his face, and quickly turned away. "I think our free period is probably over by now, we should get going."</p>
<p>"Right, of course." </p>
<p>Harry led the way, thinking of ways he could make Draco laugh again.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. lifeline</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>TW: panic attacks, self harm.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Billie Eilish – when the party’s over<br/><em>“Let’s just let it go</em><br/><em>Let me let you go.”</em></p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Draco hadn't told Harry about the attacks. They had happened a couple more times now, and each time the three Slytherins left him with a new bruise. He wanted to tell him, but he knew that if he did Harry would want to go all heroics and stop them, and Draco just didn't want to make it worse. </p>
<p>They had hit him with a jinx out of the blue on his way to the first class of the morning, and so when Draco arrived at Defence Against the Dark Arts he was already tense. He and Harry shared the class, and though Harry’s other friends were in the class too, the two of them had a table together near the back. He had planned to head straight there, but when he entered he saw that the room had been rearranged so there was an open space in the middle. </p>
<p>"We'll be moving on from theoretical study this week to practical application," Aberforth Dumbledore was saying as Draco spotted Harry and moved to stand beside him. </p>
<p>"Hey," Harry whispered, and Draco whispered a <em>hey</em> back, but it must've sounded off because Harry frowned at him. "You okay?" Draco just nodded, not trusting his voice. </p>
<p>Draco wasn't paying too much attention to Dumbledore's rambling, but then he caught Harry's name. </p>
<p>"In fairness I think that Mr Potter would be better at performing some of these spells than I would," he was saying. </p>
<p>Harry scoffed, putting on a bit of bravado as he said, "Highly unlikely, Professor."</p>
<p>"Oh, I have to disagree, Mr Potter. You fought valiantly in many battles during the Second Wizarding War, most notable of course the Battle of Hogwarts. I'm sure there'd be a thing or two you could teach us."</p>
<p>Harry shifted on his feet a bit. "Not today Professor."</p>
<p>"Very well," Dumbledore said as he went on to explain the activities. </p>
<p>Harry gave Draco an incredulous look as if to say, <em>what was that about?</em> Draco only shrugged, but his mind was playing the words Dumbledore had said about the war on a loop. </p>
<p>Soon the class was set up with practice dummies for students to practice spells on, the kind of spells that you would use in a real fight if you wanted to stay alive. Harry and Draco were at the back of the group waiting for a turn, watching the bolts of colour from various spells hitting the dummies and sometimes blasting them away, or reducing them to dust. Dumbledore would simply wave his wand and the dummy would reappear good as new. </p>
<p>The sound gradually became deafening, and Draco couldn't help but flinch at some of the bangs. He noticed that Harry was watching him, and so he tried to take some deep breaths and calm down. </p>
<p>He tried closing his eyes rather than watching the students, but that just instantly made it worse as he was surrounded by the sounds, and suddenly he felt like he was back at the final battle. He was running for his life, not even sure what side he was on anymore, having narrowly escaped death and just wanting to get out, get out, get out. </p>
<p>Absentmindedly, he was aware he had started scratching at his arm through his sleeve, but he could barely feel it. In fact, his arms and legs were going tingly. All he could focus on was the sounds of the spells and the flashes of light from them, and Draco was sure that they were aimed at him. </p>
<p>Someone was calling his name, but it sounded like a distorted echo, and then there was a hand on his elbow pulling him away. He struggled against it, trying to claw it off, desperate to get away. </p>
<p>He realised he couldn't breathe properly, hadn't been breathing properly – or maybe he had been holding his breath the entire time. He tried to suck in rasping breaths, quicker and quicker, but it only made him more panicked. </p>
<p>He couldn't feel his arm anymore but he couldn't stop scratching, until strong hands suddenly pulled his hand away, and there was Harry in his face, telling him to breathe. He could only just hear his voice, as if it was travelling through a tunnel to reach him. Harry held onto his hands and Draco gripped back like he was lifeline, pulling him back. </p>
<p>Draco tried to follow what Harry was saying, gulping down huge breaths. Slowly, gradually, he found he could breathe normally again. He kept staring into Harry's eyes, focusing on the colour, the intensity, as he felt the sensation come back into his limbs and the feeling of danger melted away. He was safe. He was safe because he was with Harry. </p>
<p>"Hey, there you go," Harry was saying, his voice clear now. "You're okay, you're safe, just breathe…"</p>
<p>Draco gulped down a few more deep breaths, and then his shoulders collapsed in a sob, his head hanging forward. Harry moved to his side, putting one arm around him and pulling him close while the other still held onto Draco's hands. Draco realised that they were sitting against a wall in a deserted corridor, probably not far from the classroom. </p>
<p>"I didn't…" he sniffed, "I didn't make a scene, did I?"</p>
<p>"No, I saw you weren't okay and I got you out of there." </p>
<p>Draco gave Harry's hand a grateful squeeze. They sat there for several minutes, Harry holding Draco close, until his breathing completely evened out. Eventually he raised his head to look at Harry, and he found only warmth and caring in his face. </p>
<p>"Thank you," Draco said.</p>
<p>"Hey, we agreed we would pull each other back, right?"</p>
<p>Draco gave a small smile. Harry looked down at their intertwined hands. </p>
<p>"Draco… can I see your arm? You were scratching at it like crazy and I'm worried you might have opened up some of the cuts. I know you probably don't want to show me –" </p>
<p>Draco was already holding out his arm for Harry. He gave Draco a look of surprise at the trust he was showing him, before he took his arm and carefully and with the lightest touch, pulled up the sleeve. Draco saw him freeze at the sight of his arm, and he couldn't blame him. It was covered in horrendous scars, and he had indeed opened up a few so they were angry and red. </p>
<p>Harry ghosted his fingers over them, not actually touching, and sighed. "Oh, Draco." </p>
<p>Harry sounded like he was in pain just seeing what Draco had done to himself, and Draco wanted nothing more than to make that pain go away. But he could only watch as Harry took out his wand and performed a gentle healing spell, sealing the wounds closed and reducing the redness. When he was done, he kept holding onto his arm, and Draco could tell he wanted to say something. </p>
<p>"Why don't you heal them completely?"</p>
<p>"Because I want them to cover up the Dark Mark," Draco said. "That was why I started. I was trying to get rid of it. I even tried to burn it off, see that mark there?"</p>
<p>Draco pointed with his other hand to the spot on his wrist. Harry brushed a thumb over it, feather light. Draco looked up at him and saw that there was a tear running down Harry's cheek. Without thinking, he reached up and brushed it away, and his hand lingered on his cheek as Harry looked up and their eyes met. They were so close, their breaths mingling, and all Draco wanted to do was close the distance. But Harry shifted back slightly and looked away, and Draco let his hand fall. </p>
<p>He tried not to let his disappointment show as he watched Harry carefully roll his sleeve back down, and then he pulled them to their feet. </p>
<p>"Do you want to take the rest of the class off?" Harry asked. "I'm sure Dumbledore will understand."</p>
<p>"Yeah, that might be a good idea."</p>
<p>"Okay, I'll grab your stuff and come find you after class, yeah?"</p>
<p>Draco nodded, and gave Harry a tight smile as they parted ways. Draco wandered for a bit, not really sure where he was going, until he found himself back at the top of the Astronomy Tower. He took a seat on the edge with his legs dangling over and his arms resting on the lower railing, looking out over the castle and the lake beyond. He felt the wind on his face and tried to let his feelings for Harry be carried away with it. But he couldn't let them go.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. open chasm</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>G Flip – Lover <br/><em>“I just wanna be your lover<br/>I know that we ain’t friends<br/>Yeah, I tried to love another<br/>It never made much sense.”</em></p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Harry became a little concerned when he couldn't find Draco after checking all their usual study spots. He headed to the dormitories, thinking maybe he had just gone back to his room. There was no response however when he knocked on the door. Then he remembered something Draco had said weeks ago about going up the Astronomy Tower when he had nightmares. </p>
<p>He half walked, half ran up the stairs when he reached he tower, and felt a wave of relief when he saw Draco sitting on the edge. "There you are," he puffed, a little out of breath. </p>
<p>Draco didn't turn around, so Harry went and sat down next to him. He gave Draco a once over to see if he looked okay, but his face was blank, devoid of any emotions. Harry pressed his mouth into a tight line as he stared out at the lake. </p>
<p>He knew that sometimes Draco just needed to sit in silence, and that talking would only make things worse. He had gotten pretty good at reading Draco's moods and anticipating his needs, so he figured all he needed right now was company. The two of them sat in silence for a long time.</p>
<p>The next morning, Draco didn't show up for breakfast. Harry tried not to think too much of it, thinking that maybe he just needed some space. But over the next few days during their classes, study sessions and the few meals that Draco came to, Harry noticed that he was definitely being more distant. All Harry wanted to do was connect with him, get through to him, but he didn't know how. </p>
<p>It was at dinner one night when Draco didn't show again that he voiced his concerns to Ron and Hermione. </p>
<p>"I also thought that he seems a bit withdrawn," Hermione said. </p>
<p>"Yeah, he was fine a week ago," said Ron. "Did something happen? Did you do something?"</p>
<p>"Ron, I'm sure he didn't do anything to upset Draco."</p>
<p>Harry was about to agree, but he thought back on the last time Draco had opened up to him right after the panic attack. He had definitely felt a connection then, even more than just a connection… but then he had pulled away. Draco had made himself vulnerable, and then Harry had pulled away. Curse him, it was his own fault. </p>
<p>"I've gotta go." Harry stood up abruptly and headed out of the Great Hall, his mind churning with thoughts.</p>
<p>He cared about Draco. He really, truly did. And over the last month he had let himself grow closer to him, and now there was a new depth to his feelings, and he didn't know what to do about it. Should he tell Draco? Try to explain? Or would it only make things worse and push him away further? Perhaps he had already ruined any chance they might have had. </p>
<p>He was still undecided about whether to find Draco or not when he found himself at the bottom of the stairs to the Astronomy Tower. He took a deep breath. If Draco happened to be up to there, he would tell him, and he if he wasn't then he would leave it for now and think on it some more. </p>
<p>Heart racing in his chest, he began the ascent. What exactly would he say? He didn't even know exactly what is was that he was feeling, let alone how to express it. A million different scenarios bounced around in his head as he bounded up the steps, desperate to reach the top, to just see his face. </p>
<p>But when he finally burst onto the top of the tower, it was empty. He was alone.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. cut me deep</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>TW: self harm (mentioned).</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>blackbear – Idfc<br/><em>“’Cause I have hella feelings for you<br/>I act like I don’t fucking care<br/>Like they ain’t even there<br/>‘Cause I’m so fucking scared.”</em></p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Draco knew that Harry was worried about him, but he couldn't bring himself to reach out to him even though he knew that Harry had told him to do so countless times. It hurt so much to be away from him, but it also hurt just as much to be near him and know that he couldn't close that distance, couldn't make that final leap. He was so scared of being rejected again, he thought that if he made himself completely vulnerable and was shut down anyway that he might just shatter. </p>
<p>He couldn't even stand the thought, so he had fallen back on his old habits and started pushing people away again. He was expecting that any day Harry would get sick of his wallowing in self-pity and try to snap him out of it. </p>
<p>It was after dinner and he was wandering the halls, avoiding the Astronomy Tower because he knew that it would be too easy for Harry to find him there. He knew that it probably wasn't a good idea for him of all people to be alone in dark, empty corridors, but part of him was hoping that the Slytherins would find him. He wanted to feel something, but he had been trying so hard not to cut. He supposed getting hexed was the next best thing. </p>
<p>He got his wish sooner than he'd hoped. He was tackled against the wall before he even had a chance to defend himself, and then whoever had grabbed him was punching him in the stomach. </p>
<p>"That's enough," he heard Snyde say after a few punches, and the boy let go of him. </p>
<p>Draco collapsed to the floor, leaning back against the wall as Snyde came up to him. "I know you're best friends with Potter now, Malfoy. So why hasn't he come to save you yet?"</p>
<p>"I don't need his help."</p>
<p>That earned Draco a punch right across the face. The pain blinded him for a second, and he felt the beginnings of a headache. </p>
<p>"You know this can all stop if you want it to," said Snyde. Draco looked back up at him. "You only have to join our cause."</p>
<p>"What cause?" Draco spat. </p>
<p>"The new Dark Order, following the Dark Lord's legacy." Snyde leaned right into Draco's face. "Voldemort might be dead, but his ideas live on."</p>
<p>"Go fuck yourself."</p>
<p>Snyde whipped out his wand and sent a hex straight to Draco's chest, causing his lungs to spasm. Draco fought to catch his breath, each gulp of air sending sharp pains through his chest. </p>
<p>"Think about it, Malfoy," Snyde said as the three of them sauntered away. </p>
<p>Draco sat there for a long time, waiting for his headache to die down and the shooting pains in his lungs to go away. He definitely had some fresh bruises. But that was what he had wanted wasn't it? He shook his head at himself. Stupid. </p>
<p>Draco hated himself more than ever in that moment, and as he got to his feet there was only one thought on his mind.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. hold on</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>TW: self harm, suicidal thoughts.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>X Ambassadors – Unsteady<br/><em>“Hold on, hold on to me</em><br/><em>‘Cause I’m a little unsteady</em><br/><em>If you love me, don’t let go.”</em></p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Harry was sat at his desk in his room, studying in an attempt to take his mind off things. Or at least he was trying to study. He'd just about given up when he heard the door next to his – Draco’s door – open and shut again. He must've finally come back.</p>
<p>He debated whether he should go over or not. Would now be the right time to say something? He didn't even know what headspace Draco was in at the moment. He listened quietly for any sort of sign, but then there was a loud smash and the sound of shattering glass. That answered that question. </p>
<p>Harry jumped out of his chair and ran out of his room, over to Draco's door. He pounded on the wood, then tried the door handle, but it was locked. </p>
<p>"Draco?" He pounded again. "Draco, it's me, open up!"</p>
<p>After a few more tries, Harry whispered, "<em>Alohamora,</em>" and let himself in. He couldn't see Draco anywhere at first but saw the bathroom door was open. He ran over to it and fell to his knees when he saw Draco.</p>
<p>He was sitting on the bathroom floor with his back against the wall. The mirror above the sink had a fist-sized crater in the middle of it, the glass shattering out from it and pieces littering the sink and the floor. Draco's knuckles were cut and bleeding, and he held a large glass shard against the Dark Mark. The edges were cutting his fingers, and he wasn't slicing the point but rather just pushing down right on the skull of the tattoo, causing blood to well up and drip down his arm. And there was so much, so much blood.</p>
<p>Harry carefully made his way over the pieces of broken glass until he was crouched before Draco. He wanted to grab the shard, but he was gripping it so tight Harry was afraid he'd make it worse. </p>
<p>"Draco," he said gently. "Draco look at me, please."</p>
<p>Draco raised his head slightly, and Harry could see how much pain he was in. His face was red and blotchy with tears, and his shoulders were shaking with barely contained sobs. </p>
<p>"Draco…" Harry put his hands over Draco's, careful not to apply too much pressure. "Please let go. Please drop the glass."</p>
<p>"I can't –"</p>
<p>"Yes, you can –"</p>
<p>"No, I can't – I can't do this!"</p>
<p>"Draco –"</p>
<p>"There's no point!" he screamed, and Harry felt his heart breaking.</p>
<p>"Yes, there is. Do you remember what I told you in the Room of Requirement? That you deserve the world. Because you do, Draco. You have to keep going, if not for yourself then for me. Because I need you." His voice cracked on the last word. It was true, he needed Draco, more than anything – and he couldn’t lose anyone else. </p>
<p>A sob racked through Draco, and he could see from the way he looked into Harry's eyes that he needed him too. Desperately.</p>
<p>"Don't do this," Harry whispered. "Let go. Just let go."</p>
<p>Ever so gently, Harry managed pry the shard away from Draco's wrist. As soon as he dropped it, Draco shoulders collapsed. Harry wrapped his arms around him and pulled him close. Draco cried harder than Harry had ever seen him cry before, great shuddering sobs coming in wave after wave. All Harry could do was hold onto him and ride it out, Draco clutching onto him like a life support. </p>
<p>Gradually his breathing evened out, but he didn’t let go. Harry realised he was crying too, and he rested his head on Draco's shoulder. </p>
<p>"Please don't ever scare me like that again." Draco only sniffed. "Let me see your arm."</p>
<p>They reluctantly pulled apart, allowing Harry to inspect the wound Draco had made. It was fairly deep, but the bleeding wasn’t as heavy anymore. He spelled the wound closed, along with the ones along his knuckles, and charmed the blood away and the mirror to repair itself. </p>
<p>Once the bathroom looked back to normal, Harry gently tilted Draco's chin up to get a good look at his face. It was still tear-streaked and his eyes were puffy, but he also noticed a bruise on his cheekbone. </p>
<p>"What's that from?" </p>
<p>Draco sighed, his eyes downcast. "I suppose I should tell you."</p>
<p>He recounted the attacks that he had suffered from a group of Slytherins since the start of the year, and Harry could feel rage bubbling up at what they'd done to Draco.</p>
<p>When Draco finished, Harry said through his teeth, "Why didn't you tell me sooner?"</p>
<p>"Because there's nothing you can do."</p>
<p>"Like hell there isn't!"</p>
<p>"If you go after them it'll only get worse, they have supporters who are ex-Death Eaters that would love nothing better than to see me dead." Harry tried to interrupt, but Draco said desperately, "Harry, please, just leave it alone."</p>
<p>He stared at Draco, contemplating the pleading in his eyes. "Only if you promise to be more careful, not to go anywhere alone where they might jump you, and to let me come with you if you have to go somewhere at night."</p>
<p>Draco nodded. "Okay. I promise."</p>
<p>"Good. We should get you off this bathroom floor."</p>
<p>Harry stood up and pulled Draco with him, but Draco lost his balance and swayed against him. Harry wrapped an arm around his waist and led him out of the bathroom.</p>
<p>"It's okay, I've got you…" he said as they made their way over to the bed. Harry settled him down and even pulled the covers up, then went to grab the water pitcher from the nearby desk. He returned with a full glass of water, which he handed to Draco. "Drink." Once he had drained the glass, Harry refilled it and passed it back. When he was done, Harry set the glass aside and sat on the edge of the bed.</p>
<p>"I'm sorry…" Draco started.</p>
<p>"For what?"</p>
<p>"I feel like I failed. I was doing better for a while, and I just… let it all fall apart."</p>
<p>"It's not your fault." Harry took one of Draco's hands and squeezed. "Okay? I'm here for you, and I will be the next time you fall apart, and the time after that."</p>
<p>Draco smiled and squeezed back. After a few moments, Harry let go with a sigh. "Will you be okay?" Draco gave a weak nod, but that didn’t reassure him. "I… I don't really want to leave you like this."</p>
<p>Draco reached out and took his hand again. "Then don't. Stay." </p>
<p>Harry smiled. Though he knew that they were moving into new territory for them, he wanted to stay, desperately. He climbed over Draco and got into the other side of the bed, turning the lights off with a flick of his wand. They lay a couple feet apart, but between them their hands remained joined, until they both fell asleep.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. comfort</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Gracie Abrams – Stay <br/><em>“Could you hold me without any talking?<br/>We could try to go back where we started <br/>I don’t even have to stay but<br/>If I woke up with you in the morning <br/>I’d forget all the ways that we’re broken.”</em></p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Harry was woken abruptly by Draco's shout and opened his eyes to see Draco thrashing, his breaths laboured. </p>
<p>"Draco, wake up," he said, grabbing him by the shoulder. Draco shot upright, nearly hitting his head against Harry's. He looked panicked and his eyes were wide and searching. "Hey, hey, it's just a dream."</p>
<p>Harry put his arms around Draco once again, and he felt his breaths return to normal as he calmed down. Draco was holding onto his waist, and Harry didn't want to let go so he readjusted them until they were laying back down, still holding onto each other. </p>
<p>When he woke in the morning, Draco was still curled up to his side. For a few minutes, he just savoured the feeling, wishing that it could be like this all the time. He tentatively raised a hand to run through Draco's hair, but Draco stirred. Bleary eyed, the blond looked up at him.</p>
<p>"Hey," Harry said.</p>
<p>"Hey."</p>
<p>"Are your nightmares always that bad?" was the only thing Harry could think to say. </p>
<p>Draco laid his head back down on Harry's chest. "Yeah, pretty much. But I think… it was easier to sleep with you here." </p>
<p>"Would you want me to stay again?"</p>
<p>Draco looked back up at him, grey eyes meeting green. "Would you want to?"</p>
<p>Harry nodded. He felt warmth spread through him at the sight of Draco's smile, and he didn’t want to ever let go of him. </p>
<p>Over the next few days, they feel into a routine. Draco re-joined Harry, Ron and Hermione at meals, and Draco and Harry spent just about all their free time together. It felt just as easy as it had before Draco's panic attack, and Harry was ecstatic that Draco was opening up to him again. And each night, Harry would stay over in Draco's bed, falling asleep with an arm draped over him or holding his hand just to let him know he was there. Each morning, they would wake up closer together, limbs tangled and arms around each other. </p>
<p>Harry knew he needed to tell Draco how he felt. There were so many things he wanted to say, but he still didn't know how. All he knew was that Draco meant more to him than anyone ever had, and he needed him to know that. </p>
<p>"Why are you staring at me?" Draco asked.</p>
<p>Harry quickly realised that he had completely zoned out while watching Draco do his work. They were sitting at their usual table in the library, going over their final notes and findings from their Potions experiments. </p>
<p>"No reason," Harry said, readjusting his glasses and looking back down at his notebook. </p>
<p>"Sure." </p>
<p>Harry smiled to himself. Soon. Soon he would tell him, when he worked out how.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. fly</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorry for being a couple days late on uploading this chapter! But I'm sure this one is what you've all been waiting for, so enjoy ;)</p>
<p>Amber Run – I Found<br/><em>“I found love where it wasn’t supposed to be<br/>Right in front of me.”</em></p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Today we will be working on conjuring a full Patronus," announced Dumbledore.</p>
<p>Draco heard Harry sigh next to him, and asked quietly, "What?"</p>
<p>"I learned how to do this in third year," he whispered back.</p>
<p>"<em>Third year</em>?" Draco gaped at him. "Harry, that’s –"</p>
<p>"I know, I know, advanced magic." Harry rolled his eyes but gave Draco a side smile. </p>
<p>Draco shook his head. "Unbelievable, you are."</p>
<p>Defence classes had been a lot less intense in the couple of weeks since Draco had had his panic attack, and he had a feeling that Harry might've had a word with Dumbledore. He didn't mind. While he half-heartedly listened to Dumbledore, he kept sneaking glances at Harry, and he knew that Harry was doing the same to him. </p>
<p>"I've never managed a full Patronus, you know," he whispered. </p>
<p>"Haven't you?" </p>
<p>Draco shook his head as Dumbledore asked for a volunteer to demonstrate. "Ah, Mr Potter, would you care to perform a Patronus for us?"</p>
<p>"Ah… I suppose." Harry walked up to the front, somewhat reluctantly Draco thought. </p>
<p>"In fact," Dumbledore went on, "I rather think that my Patronus is a bit weak, and perhaps you would do better at teaching the students how to conjure one, Mr Potter." </p>
<p>"I don't know about that sir, Ron and Hermione have strong Patronuses too, and so do Ginny and Luna," Harry said, indicating his other friends in the class. </p>
<p>"Yes, but you're the one who taught us, Harry," Hermione said – Draco had finally taken to calling them by their first names. </p>
<p>"She's got a point," said Ron. </p>
<p>Harry looked a bit peeved at the idea of taking over the class, but Draco caught his eye and gave him an encouraging nod. Harry gave him a grateful smile and instructed them on how to conjure the best Patronus, and then made his way around the room to help out people individually, enlisting Hermione and Ron to do the same. Draco stayed standing to the side until Harry noticed him and came over.</p>
<p>"Would you like some expert instruction, Draco?" he asked with a grin. </p>
<p>"Teach me after class," Draco said. "I'll just watch for now."</p>
<p>Harry gave him a knowing smile and went back to the rest of the class. Under Harry's instruction, the room was soon filled with various glowing animals darting about, lighting up the space. When the class finally came to an end, Harry came straight back over to Draco. </p>
<p>"I think this classroom is needed for the next period," he said. "Room of Requirement?"</p>
<p>"Sounds perfect."</p>
<p>The two left the classroom and headed straight for the hallway where the door was concealed. This time, it opened for them immediately, and Draco was once again struck with awe at the magnificent space. There was definitely a part of him that wished he could have been here in fifth year, a part of Dumbledore's Army preparing to fight against Voldemort. If only he had known back then how much everything would change. </p>
<p>Harry led him to a space where the walls were covered in mirrors, reaching all the way up to the arched ceiling. </p>
<p>"Earth to Draco," Harry said, pulling his attention back down from the intricate latticework above them. Harry had a determined glint in his eye, prompting Draco to take his wand out. "Okay, I want you to think really hard about what memory you choose. It can't just be any happy memory, it needs to be the happiest you've ever felt, the epitome of joy. So think hard."</p>
<p>Draco nodded and closed his eyes for a moment. At the start of the semester, Draco might have thought that coming up with a happy memory was impossible. Perhaps that was why he had never been able to conjure a full Patronus. Now, however, he knew exactly what – or rather who – it was that made him happy. In fact, he had a surplus of memories, but he chose one and focused on it, drawing out the details. </p>
<p>"Got one?" Harry asked when he opened his eyes. Draco nodded. "Alright. When you say the words, don't just say them, but feel them. Let the memory fill you up and then channel it through the incantation." </p>
<p>"Okay," Draco said, letting a long breath out through his nose. He did as Harry said, trying to place himself in the memory as if he were there, and said with confidence, "<em>Expecto Patronum.</em>" Wisps of light shot from his wand, blowing towards Harry and ruffling up his hair. They built, but then died back down.</p>
<p>"Hold onto it," said Harry.</p>
<p>Draco said the incantation again, but a bit weaker this time. The light quickly died out. He tried again, focussing harder on the memory and trying to hold onto the feeling of it. When he had the same results, he tried switching to a different memory. That didn't work either and Draco started to get frustrated. </p>
<p>"I can feel the energy of it," Harry said. "But I don't think you're reaching its full potential. You need to let that feeling come from deeper."</p>
<p>"I'm trying."</p>
<p>"I know. Take a moment and try again."</p>
<p>Draco sighed, but closed his eyes. This time, he emptied out his mind completely, and focussed on not just a memory of him and Harry, but the warmth, the kindness, the safety of him. He let the essence of who Harry was and how he made him feel flow through him, encompass him. He let go of everything and let himself drown in it. There was no bottom to it, only depthless emotion. And for once Draco didn't let himself be scared of it. </p>
<p>He opened his eyes and saw the reason for it all standing in front of him, and he knew he could do it. Raising his wand, he shouted, "<em>Expecto Patronum</em>!" </p>
<p>From his wand burst a falcon made of mist and light, soaring above them with elegance and power. Harry let out a whoop, and Draco laughed. </p>
<p>"You did it!"</p>
<p>"I was really worried for a moment that it would be a snake or some –" </p>
<p>Draco was cut off as Harry crashed into him, hugging him tight. Draco's wand lowered, but the Patronus remained, circling above them. Harry pulled back, and they stood there, still holding each other but neither closing the distance. A thousand thoughts raced through Draco's mind in an instant and with the force of a tidal wave, the fear he had let go of crashed back into him. The Patronus flickered out as Draco took a step back. Hurt flashed in Harry's eyes, and Draco faltered. What was he doing? He was going to ruin this. </p>
<p>"I – I'm sorry," he said, panic flooding his brain, and then he was fleeing from the room. Leaving Harry standing there. </p>
<p>Draco's breaths quickened as he raced down hall after hall. What had he done? He hadn't meant to panic, hadn't wanted to run. But he had been overwhelmed, and now it was too late. </p>
<p>He stopped and leaned against a wall, trying to catch his breath. Stupid, he was so stupid. If he was just a little braver… </p>
<p>Pushing off from the wall, his feet carried him in a direction he knew well and soon he was atop the Astronomy Tower, pacing back and forth. </p>
<p>If he could just be brave, he could make that final leap. That was all he had to do. Maybe it hadn't all been lost just yet. But the look on Harry's face… </p>
<p>He was sick and tired of being afraid, of holding back. He would be brave. </p>
<p>Behind him, he heard footsteps coming up the stairs. </p>
<p>"Draco –"</p>
<p>He didn't hesitate this time. Walking straight up to Harry, he grabbed the sides of his face and kissed him hard. Pulling back, he saw that Harry looked shocked and a little bit dazed, but then Harry's arms wrapped around Draco's waist and he kissed him back, and Draco was soaring. </p>
<p>Harry's lips were soft against his, and he gripped him tight, wanting to hold him as close as possible. Their lips parted and moved together, deepening the kiss, and Draco let himself be utterly consumed. His hands roamed through Harry's hair and gripped his collar, while Harry clutched at his back, pulling them impossibly closer and melding them together. </p>
<p>They finally parted, gasping for breath, but kept holding onto each other. Draco stared into Harry's eyes, and found that the depth of emotion he felt was reflected right back. </p>
<p>"That was…"</p>
<p>"About time," said Harry.</p>
<p>Draco chuckled and kissed him again, unable to get enough. It wasn't until after the sun had set that they finally came down from the Astronomy Tower.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. bare</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hozier – Like Real People Do <br/><em>“Honey, just put your sweet lips on my lips <br/>We should just kiss like real people do.”</em></p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Harry and Draco were laying on the grass at their secluded study spot by the lake, gazing up at the leaves above them, their hands joined between them. Draco was playing with Harry’s fingers, his thumb stroking the back of his hand, and Harry let his eyes drift closed. </p>
<p>They had woken up in each other's arms as usual, but they had also kissed until it was time to go to their separate morning classes. After which, they had met up here and kissed some more. Harry couldn't get enough of it, and he was so happy to finally be able to call Draco his, even though they hadn't really put a name to it yet. However, he felt like they didn't need it – he knew that Draco felt the same way he did, and that was all he needed. </p>
<p>"What's your Patronus?" Draco asked from beside him. "I just realised you never actually demonstrated in class."</p>
<p>Harry opened his eyes and looked over at Draco, who was watching him curiously. "A stag." </p>
<p>"Oh. Fitting," Draco said with a bit of a smirk. </p>
<p>"Shut up."</p>
<p>Draco laughed, and Harry basked in the musical sound of it. "I actually went and had a chat with Dumbledore this morning," he went on. Draco hummed to show he was listening as he kept playing with Harry's fingers. "I wanted to ask him why he seems so intent on me taking over his class, and he said that that's basically what wants me to do."</p>
<p>"Wait, what do you mean?"</p>
<p>"He said he's only filling in here for a year and he doesn't want to stay longer than that, and he thought that I should consider taking over the role since I'm skilled at Defence."</p>
<p>"What did you say? Would you actually consider doing it?"</p>
<p>"Well, I've been thinking for a while now that I don't want to be an Auror anymore. And I haven’t ever really considered being a teacher, but when he said it, I remembered how much I enjoyed teaching the DA in fifth year…"</p>
<p>"Ron and Hermione also said that you were really good at it. And I can say firsthand that you're good at teaching," Draco said with a grin. </p>
<p>Harry laughed. "Yeah, so I guess I am considering it." </p>
<p>Draco squeezed his hand. "That's great. I think it's a wonderful idea. Props to Aberforth!"</p>
<p>They both laughed at that, and Harry let himself get lost in his thoughts once again. "Hey, Draco, when you asked about coming out… where you actually asking for yourself?"</p>
<p>Draco looked thoughtful as he considered. "Sort of. I guess I kind of always knew that I wasn't straight, but I repressed it because my parents had all these pureblood expectations. I was supposed to marry a pureblood woman and carry on the Malfoy name, but…"</p>
<p>"That wasn't what you wanted," Harry said.</p>
<p>"It just never felt right. But I know what I want now." Harry turned his head just as Draco closed the space between them and captured him in a kiss. It was slow and tender, like he was showing Harry exactly what it was that he wanted. When they broke apart, Harry couldn't take his eyes of Draco's misty grey ones, content to stay like that forever. "I don't know if I'm ready to come out as gay yet though," Draco said, pulling Harry out of his daze.</p>
<p>"Yeah…" He shook his head a little to clear it. "Of course, I understand. Whenever you're ready."</p>
<p>Draco gave him a small peck. "Thank you." </p>
<p>"Although, that means we'll have to keep our hands off each other this weekend."</p>
<p>"What's this weekend?"</p>
<p>"Ron and Hermione suggested another drinks night, and they've already got everyone else on board." </p>
<p>"Did you say we were coming?"</p>
<p>"Not yet, I wanted to ask you first."</p>
<p>Another grin spread across Draco's face, and it made Harry's heart leap in his chest. "Of course I'll come."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>21. for you</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Matt Corby – Made of Stone<br/><em>“I left my mother’s arms</em><br/><em>I left my father’s home</em><br/><em>And I fell into a well of harm.”</em></p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Draco woke with a jolt, sitting upright and gasping for breath. He was sweaty and tangled in the sheets. He could feel a panic attack coming on and began clawing at his throat. But then Harry was there, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and putting a hand on his cheek.</p>
<p>"Hey, it's okay, you're safe," he said. "Look at me, Draco, you're safe."</p>
<p>Draco could just make out Harry's face in the dark and tried to focus on him, but he was still shaking.</p>
<p>"Breathe, breathe…" </p>
<p>Draco closed his eyes and held onto him, feeling the weight of his presence, the strength of his arms. He listened to the sound of Harry's voice, gently guiding him through it, until his breathing evened out and he stopped shaking. Exhausted, he sagged against him, and Harry laid them down with his arms still around Draco. He put his head on Harry's chest and his arm around his waist, the steady rise and fall of his breathing soothing him. He was safe. Harry was safe. </p>
<p>"It was you this time," he said into the darkness.</p>
<p>"What was me?"</p>
<p>"They were torturing you instead of me. And those Slytherin seventh years were there."</p>
<p>Draco felt Harry tense. "I really think we need to report them."</p>
<p>"I haven't seen them since you told me to be more careful, Harry."</p>
<p>"But we don't know what they're up to. You said they were trying to recruit you."</p>
<p>Draco thought on that. "We could find out." </p>
<p>"What do you mean?"</p>
<p>Draco pushed up on his elbow so he could look at Harry in the weak light. "Do you still have that invisibility cloak?"</p>
<p>"Yeah… where are you going with this?" </p>
<p>"I draw them out and ask them more about whatever cult it is they're forming, and you stay nearby hidden under the cloak so you can listen and jump in if you need to."</p>
<p>"No. Absolutely not."</p>
<p>"Harry, it's a good plan –"</p>
<p>"No, it's putting you in danger. I won't do that."</p>
<p>"You said yourself we need to find out what they're up to, and if we do then we can tell McGonagall." Harry looked like he was about to protest some more, but Draco silenced him with a kiss. "I promise I'll be careful."</p>
<p>Harry sighed. "Fine. It'll have to be tomorrow night though because drinks is the night after that and I'm not missing that,” he said a little more playfully, and Draco kissed him again. </p>
<p>"Sounds good to me."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0022"><h2>22. sacrifice</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Ruelle – Madness <br/><em>“Cut me deep, these secrets and lies.”</em></p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"I still think this is a terrible idea."</p>
<p>Next to him, Draco jumped, and Harry tried not to laugh. It was late at night, and they'd been wandering the dark halls for a little while now but had seen no sign of the Slytherins yet. </p>
<p>"Will you be quiet? You're going to give yourself away."</p>
<p>"Alright, alright, just don't forget that I'm right here if you need."</p>
<p>"I know. Just don't come out unless you absolutely have to."</p>
<p>"I won't," Harry said with a resigned sigh. He was definitely coming out at the first sign of trouble. </p>
<p>He continued to follow Draco down corridor after corridor, weaving his way through the quieter parts of the castle. Harry was about to suggest trying another night, when up ahead three figures rounded the corner. Draco immediately came to a halt and tensed up, and Harry stopped a safe distance behind him, still hidden under the invisibility cloak. </p>
<p>"Malfoy!" boomed the tall one in front from the other end of the hall. Draco stood his ground with his chin high, though Harry could tell by the slight shifting of his feet that he'd rather run. He wondered what these guys could have done to Draco to make him so scared he had nightmares, and the ideas that popped into his head made his blood boil with anger. If only he could reveal himself now and <em>stupify</em> them all. </p>
<p>"Snyde," Draco addressed the boy, their leader apparently, as he and his entourage approached. Harry thought the name vaguely rang a bell, perhaps from the Death Eater Trials. </p>
<p>"Thought you wouldn't be stupid enough to keep wandering these halls," Snyde said with a cock of his head. "Although it did seem last time like you were looking for a fight. Is that what you're doing now? Itching to have us rough you up again?" </p>
<p>Snyde faked a lunge forward, and a wicked grin spread over his face when Draco flinched. Harry's heart ached at the implication that he had gone looking for trouble. Draco's hands curled into fists at his sides, and Harry had to control the urge to take his hand. </p>
<p>"I did actually come looking for you," Draco said, and Snyde raised his eyebrows. "You said you wanted me to join your cause. I want to know more about it."</p>
<p>"No, I don't believe that. I think you'll run to that Harry Potter with whatever information you get."</p>
<p>Draco seemed to freeze at the mention of Harry's name. "That's right, the two of them are mates now, aren't they," said one of the boys behind Snyde. </p>
<p>"If you don't want to tell me anything then I'll just be on my way," Draco said, taking a step back, but Synde whipped out his wand and levelled it at Draco's chest. </p>
<p>"Not another step."</p>
<p>Draco froze, except for his hand which Harry saw twitch at his pocket, a second away from grabbing his wand. Under the cloak, Harry took out his own wand. For a few strained seconds, Draco and Snyde stared each other down, neither making a move. Then Draco grabbed for his wand, but before he could raise it there was a shout of "<em>Expelliarmus</em>!" and Draco's wand sailed through the air. </p>
<p>Harry was about to throw the cloak off, when Snyde and the others pocketed their wands. Maybe he didn't need to reveal himself after all. </p>
<p>"How about we do this without wands?" Snyde said with a sneer as he and his cronies advanced on Draco. "More of a fair fight."</p>
<p>"A fair fight?" Draco's eyes were darting around frantically, and too late Harry realised he was looking for him. "Three against one?"</p>
<p>Snyde shrugged and punched Draco across the face, throwing him to the floor. The cloak was off Harry in an instant, his wand raised. </p>
<p>"<em>Stupify</em>!" Snyde went soaring backwards, landing hard. He started to get straight back up, however, as the other two recovered from their shock and took their wands back out. They immediately had to defend against the onslaught of hexes and jinxes that Harry threw at them, but once Snyde re-joined them they quickly went on the offensive. Harry was pushed back, until one of them got in a lucky disarming shot and his wand flew from his hand. Snyde swept his wand in a wide arc, and Harry was thrown against the wall and held there, immobilised. </p>
<p>"Now, where the hell did you come from?" Snyde drawled. </p>
<p>"He must've been here to look out for Malfoy," one of the others piped up. </p>
<p>"Interesting, very interesting," said Snyde with a glance back at Draco, who had gotten to his feet and was nursing a cut lip. His left cheek was already swelling with a mighty bruise. </p>
<p>"Leave him alone," Harry said through gritted teeth. </p>
<p>"Protective now, aren't we?" Snyde continued to look between Harry and Draco, both disarmed and pretty much unable to defend themselves. Snyde looked like a kid on Christmas day. "And I thought my night was made when we found Malfoy. But now we have a betrayer of the Dark Lord… and the one who killed him."</p>
<p>Snyde raised his wand to point it directly in Harry's face.</p>
<p>"Don't!" shouted Draco, surging forward. The two others grabbed his arms and held him back, but he struggled against them. </p>
<p>"<em>Very</em> protective…" said Snyde, calculating. "I think that the cruciatus curse should do nicely, don't you?"</p>
<p>"No!" Draco struggled more against his captors, and Harry could only suck in a sharp breath as Snyde pointed his wand straight at Harry's heart, a devilish grin on his face. He braced himself for the pain.</p>
<p>"<em>Crucio</em>!" he yelled, and at that exact moment Draco freed himself and jumped forward, in between Harry and Snyde. Harry screamed as he watched Draco take the full force of the unforgivable curse, collapsing to the ground in spasms as it racked through his body. Harry cursed and shouted at Snyde to stop, but he ignored him, his face lit up with glee as he trained his wand on Draco writhing in pain on the floor. </p>
<p>Harry was sobbing when it finally ended. Draco lay motionless, and Harry pulled uselessly at the invisible restraints holding him against the wall, desperate to get to him. </p>
<p>"Well that was entertaining. I guess we've had our fun for the night boys. And I think we learned a thing or two about certain people's weaknesses." With that, Snyde turned and headed back down the hall, the others following behind. "We'll see you 'round Potter, Malfoy." </p>
<p>As soon as they disappeared around the corner, the binding spell lifted and Harry fell to his hands and knees. He crawled over to where Draco lay and rolled him over, a sob heaving through his body at the sight of him. He was pale as a sheet, almost grey, and his lip and cheek were swollen and dripping blood. His eyes fluttered, and he let out a small groan of pain. Harry cushioned his head with his hand and tilted his face towards him.</p>
<p>"Draco, can you hear me?"</p>
<p>"Harry…" Draco's voice was a weak croak. </p>
<p>"Hey, hey it's alright," Harry assured him, relieved to hear his voice. "They're gone. I've got you."</p>
<p>Draco's eyes cracked open a bit wider, and Harry's heart shattered at the pain he saw there. He knew exactly what the cruciatus curse felt like. He cursed himself for letting this happen, for failing to protect Draco like he had said he would. </p>
<p>"I'm sorry," Harry said with a sob, letting his head drop onto Draco's chest and bunching his shirt in his fist.</p>
<p>Draco let out a huff of air. "What for?"</p>
<p>"I was supposed to protect you. This is my fault."</p>
<p>"No, it's not." He drew in a shaky breath. "It was my dumb idea, remember?"</p>
<p>"Believe me, I'm angry at you for that too." Draco chuckled weakly, and Harry raised his head to see that a little bit of colour had returned to his face and his eyes were clearer. "But I'm just glad you're okay." </p>
<p>Harry kissed him on the forehead, then gently laid his head back down. He got up and retrieved their wands and the cloak, stowing them away, before returning to Draco and carefully scooping him up bridal style. </p>
<p>"I can walk, you know, I just need a minute," Draco grumbled, but he wrapped his arms around Harry's neck as he was carried towards the eighth year dormitories. </p>
<p>"Too bad," said Harry. </p>
<p>Draco fell asleep on the way.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0023"><h2>23. tension</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Matt Corby – Miracle Love<br/><em>“So much love that I was blind to</em><br/><em>I made my mistakes</em><br/><em>And you put them all behind you.”</em></p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When Draco woke, he immediately reached out to the other side of the bed but found it empty. Bleary eyed, he lifted his head and looked around the room.</p>
<p>"You're up," said Harry from by the fireplace. He got up and walked over to Draco's bedside, taking a seat and brushing Draco's hair out of his eyes. Draco caught his hand and kissed the back of it, then held it against his chest.</p>
<p>"How long was I out?"</p>
<p>Harry checked his watch. "It's 4pm." Draco's eyes widened. "I was starting to get a little worried, and I was going to take you Madam Promfrey if you didn't wake up by tonight. Good thing you did, otherwise I would've had to go to drinks tonight without a date."</p>
<p>"I thought we were keeping it a secret for now."</p>
<p>"We are. But I'm going to think of you as my date," Harry said with a mischievous grin. Draco thought he looked gorgeous in the soft bedroom light and pulled him down to kiss him. </p>
<p>"I would happily be your secret date," he said. </p>
<p>Harry laughed and gave him another peck, his hand cupping Draco's cheek. Draco realised there was no more pain in his lip and cheek, and that Harry must've healed his face. Harry noticed the shift in Draco's face, and asked, "Are you sure you're okay?"</p>
<p>"Yeah, thanks to you." </p>
<p>"Good. 'Cause we've got to get ready to go out."</p>
<p>Harry got up, and Draco slowly sat upright. "Don't you want to tell McGonagall about those Slytherins?"</p>
<p>"We can tell her tomorrow. You just spent a whole day recovering, and I think that going out will do you some good as well. We don't need to worry about that right now."</p>
<p>"I'm surprised you didn't go this morning."</p>
<p>"I didn't want to leave you in case you woke up."</p>
<p>"Oh." Harry offered him a hand and pulled Draco out of bed. </p>
<p>"Come on, have a shower and get dressed."</p>
<p>A couple hours passed and Harry and Draco had gotten ready and eaten something, and were now joining Ron, Hermione and Neville on their way to Hogsmeade. Draco had to keep reminding himself not to take Harry's hand as they walked next to each other, but Harry smiled at him like he knew what he was thinking. He slowed down their pace slightly so they fell behind the others, and Harry reached over and gave Draco's hand a squeeze. Draco smiled at him and he saw that mischievous glint in Harry's eye. </p>
<p>The night progressed much the same. Harry and Draco would sneak touches under the table, or when they would go up to the bar together. The others seemed oblivious, and Draco was living for it. The more butterbeers that flowed, the livelier the group got, and Draco found himself actively engaging in everyone's conversation. He was starting to feel like he belonged, and it made him swell with warmth and pride. Especially as he watched Harry laughing at something Ron said, and thought how stunningly perfect he was, from his smile to his hair to his strikingly green eyes. When they all took a shot of firewhiskey and Draco noticed the flush that crept into Harry's cheeks, he pulled him by the arm away and towards the bar. </p>
<p>"Where are we going? We've still got drinks," Harry said.</p>
<p>"I know." Draco pulled him around the other side of the bar, out of sight of their friends and out the door that led to a small courtyard outside. He led him down the nearby cobblestoned alleyway until his found a shadowy spot and pushed Harry against the wall before descending on him. </p>
<p>He kissed him deeply, hands clutching at his shirt, and Harry responded immediately. Draco tugged at his waist, pulling him closer, and felt Harry arch into him. Harry's fingers were in Draco's hair, tugging at the stands, until Harry pulled away and flipped them in a heartbeat, so that Draco was against the wall. </p>
<p>"Didn't realise you wanted a snog so bad," Harry said, his voice rough.</p>
<p>"Shut up." </p>
<p>Draco captured his mouth again, wanting to taste him. But Harry's kisses moved past his mouth, along his jaw and down his neck. Draco tilted his head back to give him better access, and when Harry found his sweet spot just above his collarbone, he couldn't help the noise that escaped his lips. Harry suckled and nipped at it torturously, and when Draco couldn't take it anymore, he pulled Harry's face back up to his, recapturing his lips. </p>
<p>Draco relished the feel of Harry's body against his, and he wanted more, but Harry pulled back as though he too knew they were reaching the limits of what they could do in an alleyway. They both panted, still holding onto each other. Draco saw Harry's gaze flick up to his hair. </p>
<p>"You look like a mess," he said with a laugh.</p>
<p>"Sod off, Potter." </p>
<p>Harry laughed, and kissed him again briefly. Draco reached up to fix his hair. "It's fine, really. You should head back inside," Harry said, stepping back. </p>
<p>"What about you?"</p>
<p>"I'll be just a minute."</p>
<p>Harry did look like he was still catching his breath after Draco had jumped him, and he was giving Draco a lazy grin that made his heart flutter. With a squeeze of his hand, Draco left him and headed back inside.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0024"><h2>24. shattered</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Radiohead – Exit Music (For a Film)<br/><em>“We hope that you choke.”</em></p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"<em>Expelliarmus</em>!" </p>
<p>The shout came from down the alleyway toward the street, and Harry's wand flew from his pocket and out of reach. He frantically looked back for Draco, whether to make sure he was gone or for help, he didn't know, but he was already back inside. Harry was alone and unarmed, and stalking toward him were the three Slytherins, flanked by two robed figures. </p>
<p>Death Eaters. </p>
<p>Harry backed towards the courtyard. </p>
<p>"So unfortunate that Malfoy's taken such a liking to you, Potter," said Snyde. "We really wanted to turn him back to our side and you've made that rather difficult."</p>
<p>"Go to hell," Harry said, trying to muster all his bravado. </p>
<p>Snyde only laughed. "That's alright, there are other uses for you." </p>
<p>The Death Eaters behind the three Slytherins raised their wands and Harry prepared to shout. Before he could the back door to the Three Broomsticks opened, and Draco came out.</p>
<p>"Harry, what's –" Seeing the Slytherins and the Death Eaters, Draco immediately pulled out his wand and took up a defensive stance. </p>
<p>"Malfoy, just the person I wanted to see," said Snyde. "We were just having a friendly chat."</p>
<p>"Why don't you just piss off," Draco spat, and Harry was proud of Draco's tone, if a little stunned. </p>
<p>"Now, we're here to negotiate, Malfoy."</p>
<p>"We won't be negotiating anything."</p>
<p>"Not even your boyfriend?"</p>
<p>The Death Eaters' wands levelled straight at Harry, while Snyde kept his wand trained on Draco. Harry tried and failed to catch Draco's eye. He had no idea what to do – without his wand, he was useless. </p>
<p>"Draco," he said softly, desperate for him to look at him. </p>
<p>"Join us Malfoy," Snyde went on, "or we kill him."</p>
<p>Finally, Draco looked at Harry, and there was only pure fear in his eyes. Harry was rooted to the spot, unable to think, as Draco pleaded desperately with his eyes for a plan, any plan. </p>
<p>"Your choice, Malfoy."</p>
<p>Draco looked back at Snyde, and Harry saw his fear give way to anger, and then the hope started to slowly slip away too. Draco looked at Harry again, and Harry sucked in a sharp breath as Draco took a slow step towards the Slytherins, then another. He shook his head as Draco's wand slowly turned, until it faced Harry, and Draco was standing between him and the Slytherins. </p>
<p>"Draco, no," Harry pleaded. "Don't do this. You don't have to join them; we can fight them off together." He didn't know how, but he didn't say that. He only wanted Draco to come back to him. </p>
<p>"I belong with them, Harry." </p>
<p>"No." Harry's voice broke, and he felt tears start to run down his cheeks. He couldn't take it, couldn't stand losing Draco. He was desperate for something, anything to bring him back from this edge, but he was coming up with nothing.</p>
<p>Draco took a step toward him, lowering his wand for a moment, and said quiet enough for only Harry to hear, "It's the only way. Forgive me."</p>
<p>He raised his wand again and twisted his wrist upwards. Harry instantly recognised the movement from all the times he'd seen Hermione perform it during the war, and Lockhart all those years ago. He knew what Draco was going to do.</p>
<p>"No! Draco, don't, I'm begging you. Don't take it away. <em>Draco</em>!"</p>
<p>Draco's face was empty. The tears running tracks down his cheeks were the only sign of his pain as he whispered, "<em>Obliviate.</em>"</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0025"><h2>25. empty</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Lord Huron – The Night We Met<br/><em>“I had all and then most of you<br/>Some and now none of you<br/>Take me back to the night we met<br/>I don’t know what I’m supposed to do<br/>Haunted by the ghost of you.”</em></p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Harry rose briefly into consciousness. He was on the ground, and a voice that sounded like Hermione was calling his name. Then everything faded back to darkness.</p>
<p>When he woke properly, he was in a bed. He slowly opened his eyes, a sharp pain splitting his skull, and found that he was in the all too familiar infirmary. He tried to push himself into a sitting position, and heard footsteps rushing towards him. </p>
<p>"Harry, you're awake!" Hermione appeared beside him, helping him get upright. Ron came around the other side of the bed, followed by Neville. </p>
<p>"What happened?" he croaked.</p>
<p>"We found you on the ground outside," said Ron. "Your wand was on the other side of the yard and it looked like someone had knocked you out."</p>
<p>"And Harry…" Hermione said nervously. "Draco's gone."</p>
<p>"Malfoy?"</p>
<p>Hermione's brow creased, and she glanced up at Ron and Neville. "Some other Slytherins are missing too," Neville added.</p>
<p>"We don't know if it's connected, though," she went on. "We were hoping you might be able to clear up some of the details."</p>
<p>"I…" Harry racked his brains, trying to understand what had happened, but he came up blank. "I don't remember."</p>
<p>"You must've had more of that firewhiskey than we thought, mate," said Ron with a weak attempt at a grin. Hermione only looked concerned, and she put her hand to Harry's forehead. "Stop mothering him, Hermione, he'll be fine."</p>
<p>After a few more questions that Harry didn't have any answers to, they left him to rest and recuperate. But Harry could only lie there trying to think back on what happened. Why couldn't he remember anything? Had he even been attacked, or had he truly just drunk too much and passed out? He could barely even remember going out, and the further back he thought the more he realised there seemed to be gaps missing. </p>
<p>Something was very wrong. And it had something to do with Malfoy – every time he thought of him he felt a strong, almost overwhelming surge of emotion, but he couldn't understand why. He didn't think he'd seen much of Malfoy at all this year, and now he was apparently missing. Was he up to something? Harry had defended him at the Trials after the war and thought that Malfoy had changed, but if he was involved in something…</p>
<p>He had been a Death Eater after all. </p>
<p>Harry decided that he needed answers. He knew Malfoy had something to do with this, and Hermione had acted strange when he was brought up so she must know more than she was letting on. </p>
<p>Before Madam Promfrey could notice, he quickly got up, changed into the fresh set of clothes that was on the bedside table and left the infirmary. </p>
<p>He found Hermione in the eighth year common room, a pile of books in front of her. </p>
<p>"We need to talk."</p>
<p>"Yes, I think we do," she said, closing the heavy tome she had been peering at. </p>
<p>The rest of the small common room was empty, so Harry sat down at her table by the window. </p>
<p>"Harry, what do you remember?" Hermione asked.</p>
<p>"Not much. Like at all. It's like there's these huge time gaps and I think it's got something to do with Malfoy." Hermione flinched at the name, so small he almost missed it. "What aren’t you telling me?"</p>
<p>"Harry… I think Draco might've taken your memories."</p>
<p>"I knew it," Harry said, starting to get revved up. "Was he up to something? Did he take them so I wouldn't stop him from doing whatever he was doing?"</p>
<p>"No, Harry, you've got it all wrong." Hermione's face was pained, and she put a hand on his arm. "He was your friend."</p>
<p>Harry was stunned into silence. He sat back in his chair, wanting to say she was being ridiculous, but her face was so open and sincere that Harry didn't think she could possibly be lying. </p>
<p>"What do you mean?" he asked quietly. </p>
<p>"At the beginning of the term you said you wanted to start over with him, and it took a little while to get through to him, but he slowly came around. You invited him to join us at meals and nights out, and he became friends with us too. But the two of you… there were some rough patches, from what I could tell, but most of the time you were inseparable."</p>
<p>"That… that doesn't make any sense, Hermione."</p>
<p>"But it's the truth, Harry. You know it is, you can feel it."</p>
<p>"I don't know what I feel."</p>
<p>Hermione's eyes softened. "Memories can be erased, Harry, but emotions are much more difficult."</p>
<p>Harry had the feeling there was something else she was trying to tell him, but there were too many thoughts racing around his head. His chest was aching, like there was something missing.</p>
<p>He didn't know what else to say, so he got up and headed for the door, desperate for some fresh air. Hermione called out his name, but he ignored it. He wound through corridors and stairwells, until eventually he reached the top of the Astronomy Tower. He didn't know why, but it was like he had been drawn there. </p>
<p>None of it made sense. He only wanted the hollow feeling in his chest to go away.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0026"><h2>26. brace</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Lewis Capaldi – Someone You Loved<br/><em>“I’m going under, and this time<br/>I fear there’s no one to save me.”</em></p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Draco was apparated to the outside of an old stone castle perched on the edge of a cliff. Far below, waves crashed relentlessly against the rocks and the air tasted of salt. The building looked like it was crumbling under the weight of time and Draco was weary to go inside, but he was led in by the Death Eaters, Snyde and the other two Slytherin seventh years. He was taken to a cavernous room with a high ceiling that was open on one side, a metal railing the only thing between him and the drop to the ocean. He kept away from the edge.</p>
<p>Snyde had his arms crossed and looked immensely smug. Draco glared at him. The Death Eaters drew back their hoods and removed their masks, and Draco instantly saw a resemblance in one of them. He looked back to Snyde.</p>
<p>"I thought you said your father was in Azkaban."</p>
<p>"He was," came a voice from behind Draco, and his blood turned to ice. He had thought he would never hear that voice outside of his nightmares again. But as he turned, he saw him standing there looking just like he had before the war. </p>
<p>Lucius Malfoy. His father. </p>
<p>"Hello, son."</p>
<p>Draco swallowed. "How?"</p>
<p>"How did Snyde and I escape?" He tapped his cane on the stone and took a step towards the ledge. "An effort made by the Death Eaters who managed to stay free. That's more than I can say for you."</p>
<p>"Why doesn't everyone know?"</p>
<p>"That's your ministry's doing, not ours. I assume they don't want panic." </p>
<p>His father looked to the others in the room and with a wave of his hand they left. He beckoned to Draco to join him at the railing overlooking the ocean. Draco tried to unclench his hands at his sides and slowly walked over, careful not to stand too close. </p>
<p>"Do you know what's out there, Draco?" He didn't answer. "The North Sea. Azkaban. We have great plans, my son, and I want you to be a part of them."</p>
<p>The names and faces of all the Death Eaters Draco knew of, terrifying witches and wizards, flashed in his mind. His father wanted to free them. </p>
<p>"I know you were always somewhat… reluctant." His father stepped up to him and laid a hand on his shoulder. Draco tensed in an effort not to flinch away. "But I know you'll make me proud."</p>
<p>Lucius left him standing at the railing, and Draco finally closed his eyes and let the tears he had been holding in fall. He wished Harry was there to hold him, to keep him in one piece, but he had destroyed even that. He would never forgive himself for what he'd done, but the alternative had been letting them kill him. It had been all he could think of to save him, even though it hurt so much that Draco felt like he was being ripped apart. He was lost without him. </p>
<p>But Harry didn't remember him at all. And knowing that hurt the most.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0027"><h2>27. journey so far</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>The Cinematic Orchestra, Patrick Watson – To Build A Home<br/><em>“I built a home for you, for me<br/>Until it disappeared from me, from you.”</em></p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"I want you to help me get my memories back."</p>
<p>Hermione nodded as if she'd been waiting for this. "Okay."</p>
<p>"Wait," Harry said. "You're not going to tell me that it's impossible, that it has to be the person who took them, something like that?"</p>
<p>"No, I should be able to do it, and I do have some experience with bringing back memories." Harry thought back to last year, when Hermione had taken her parents’ memories and sent them to Australia to protect them. She had returned their memories when it was safe, and that was why Harry knew that if anyone could help him, it was her. "It's a complex process, is all."</p>
<p>"Whatever it takes."</p>
<p>"Okay, is there somewhere private that you want to go to start? Maybe somewhere that would trigger memories?"</p>
<p>Harry was about to say the Astronomy Tower, but he reconsidered. Instead, he led Hermione out of the common room to a corridor and a specific stretch of wall. He paced three times in front of it and the ornate door to the Room of Requirement appeared. </p>
<p>"It still works?" Hermione was gazing at the doors in wonder.</p>
<p>"I guess so."</p>
<p>They pushed the doors open and walked into the same room that they had once trained in, when they were a part of Dumbledore's Army in fifth year. Except in the middle sat two comfy looking armchairs and a coffee table. </p>
<p>"It’s strange being back here," Hermione said as they each took a seat. "Alright. Oh, if I had just brought –" A small pile of books appeared on the table, and Hermione grinned. "Oh, I missed this." </p>
<p>She picked up the first one and leafed through it, until she found the page she was looking for. Harry waited patiently until she put the book back down and held out her hand, looking confident. Harry took it and Hermione took out her wand.</p>
<p>"This isn't going to hurt or anything is it?"</p>
<p>"No, not at all. Unless the memories themselves are painful, but I doubt that."</p>
<p>"Right. Totally reassuring." </p>
<p>"Hush, you." </p>
<p>Hermione pointed her wand at him, and ever so slowly twisted her wrist downwards. She closed her eyes and Harry followed suit, focussing on the feeling of her magic flowing from her hand into his. He tried to empty his mind, willing the memories to come back, even though he didn't know if that would help. </p>
<p>Gradually, he started to feel something. It was more emotions than images, but they were coming through stronger and stronger. Joy, sadness, a desire to protect and to hold… and love. And then images started to associate themselves with the feelings. A smile, grey eyes. He had never seen that face with such a genuine smile, he thought but then he realised that no, he had seen it before. Many times. And he was smiling at Harry. Draco was smiling, and laughing, and all Harry wanted to do was reach out to him.</p>
<p>It was working. He was remembering, and the pieces were slowly coming together to form a whole. He saw Draco grumpily agreeing to come to Friday night drinks, laughing at Harry making a stupid joke, breaking down and crying in Harry's arms. Draco kissing him atop the Astronomy Tower. The memories floated to the surface from where they had been locked deep within him, and he felt the hollowness in his chest filling and evening out. </p>
<p>He remembered. When he finally opened his eyes, he collapsed back in his seat, exhausted. Hermione did the same, letting go of his hand. He realised his face was wet and he wiped away the tears that had fallen. </p>
<p>"Hermione… you did it." </p>
<p>"'Brightest witch of her age,'" she quoted airily. </p>
<p>"Are you okay?"</p>
<p>"Yeah, that was just a long time to be doing magic."</p>
<p>"It didn’t feel like that long."</p>
<p>"Harry, we've been here for about four hours."</p>
<p>"Wait, what?"</p>
<p>Hermione only nodded. A water pitcher appeared in front of them, and they both drank. When they stood, the chairs, table and everything on it disappeared.</p>
<p>"Hermione, thank you," Harry said earnestly, hugging her. </p>
<p>"Of course, Harry. What are you going to do now?"</p>
<p>"Find him. And bring him back." He was determined. Whatever it took, he would bring Draco home.</p>
<p>Hermione smiled. "I knew you'd say that. But how? Did he tell you where he was going?"</p>
<p>"No, but… I can try sending him a message."</p>
<p>The table reappeared with paper, a quill and ink. He thought for a moment then quickly jotted down his message. With a wave of his wand and an incantation he set the paper alight and watch it float up, engulfed by the flame, and disappear. </p>
<p>They waited. Harry knew a response might not come at all, but he was desperate. After a few minutes, his prayers were answered as the flame reappeared, the same piece of paper reforming. Harry caught it and stared at the message written below his. </p>
<p>"What does it say?"</p>
<p>Harry flipped it to face Hermione. </p>
<p>"Coordinates."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0028"><h2>28. crash</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Civil Twilight – Letters From The Sky<br/><em>“You’re coming back for me.”</em></p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Draco went over the message again and again in his head. </p>
<p>
  <em>You can't get rid of me that easily. Tell me where to find you.</em>
</p>
<p>He shouldn't have answered, knew that it was dangerous. But he wanted to see him, needed to see him. And if Harry had somehow gotten his memories back… it was a good thing, he told himself. He had regretted it anyway. So why was he so scared to face him?</p>
<p>He knew the risks. He couldn't let them get to Harry again, so he would see him, and he would tell him that it would be the last time. It was too late for him, but he could still save Harry. He just had to see him one last time. </p>
<p>He heard the sound of someone apperating behind him and took a moment to calm his expression. He couldn't go running into his arms, or he'd never let go. Slowly he turned around.</p>
<p>Harry's hair was whipped back and forth in the harsh sea wind. He looked out at the water, then up at the crumbling castle above them, taking it all in. They were on a secluded section of the beach along from the cliffs, walled in by great mounds of rock that provided little shelter from the wind and spray, but it was the best Draco could come up with. </p>
<p>When Harry looked back at Draco, he could see the desire in his eyes and knew he remembered. </p>
<p>"I know why you did it, Draco. I know it was to protect me."</p>
<p>"I'm sorry," Draco said. </p>
<p>"I know. But none of that matters now." He held out his hand. "Draco come home with me."</p>
<p>"I can't."</p>
<p>"Yes, you can." He took a few steps forward, but Draco stayed rooted to his spot, digging his heels into the coarse sand. </p>
<p>"Harry, you don't understand. It's my father," Draco said, his voice cracking. "He's out. He's here."</p>
<p>Harry faltered for a moment, but he kept coming forward. </p>
<p>"Draco, I can protect you. You don't have to be afraid."</p>
<p>"I'm doing this to protect <em>you</em>!" he cried. </p>
<p>"No," Harry said, coming to a stop in front of Draco. "All you're doing is leaving me alone, without the person I need most." </p>
<p>Draco couldn't form words, couldn't find the strength he needed to say what he had to say. Harry raised a hand to Draco's cheek, and Draco leaned into it, his eyes slipping shut and a tear escaping.</p>
<p>"Draco… come home."</p>
<p>He gave in and threw his arms around Harry's waist, holding onto him as tight as he could. Harry gripped him back, and within his arms Draco felt like he was already home.</p>
<p>"Please don't ever let me go," he whispered, his words almost carried away on the wind. </p>
<p>He felt Harry tense, then shout, "Draco!" and spin them around. </p>
<p>"<em>Crucio</em>!" </p>
<p>The curse hit Harry in the back, right where it would have hit Draco, and Harry went down. His scream tore through Draco and he fell to his knees as Harry collapsed in the sand, arching against the pain as if he could get away from it.</p>
<p>"<em>No</em>!" He looked over Harry to see his father advancing towards them, his wand trained on Harry. "<em>You bastard, stop it<em>!" </em></em></p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>Lucius released the curse, and Harry curled in on himself, coughing and choking. Draco reached for him, trying to lift his face out of the sand, but then there were hands grabbing him roughly and hauling him away. Someone else grabbed Harry and lifted him up, but he hung limp.</em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>His father stalked up to him, and Draco tried to free his hands but they were bound behind his back. "I knew you would disappoint me," he spat in Draco's face. He raised his wand, and everything went black.</em>
  </em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0029"><h2>29. plummet</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>TW: PTSD, self harm (mentioned).</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Ruelle – Until We Go Down<br/><em>“Erase darkness ‘til the break of day</em><br/><em>I need that fire just to know that I’m awake.”</em></p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Harry woke to a lingering ache throughout his body. His head pounded and he was shivering. Opening his eyes, he saw he was in a large, windowless room and in the dim candlelight he could make out someone standing at the other end. No, not standing – their arms were bound above their head and they were hanging from the ropes.</p>
<p>"Draco?" His voice was barely more than whisper, but he saw Draco's head lift. </p>
<p>Harry tried to get to him, but quickly realised that his hands were tied behind his back with rope. He tugged at the bonds, the remnants of the cruciatus curse sending sharp shooting pains through his arms and torso. </p>
<p>Trapped.</p>
<p>He was trapped in this dark room, so alike the dungeon beneath the Malfoy Manor where he was once imprisoned. Harry could feel his breaths quickening as the two places blurred into one, the past and the present converging until he was once again at the mercy of Death Eaters, a sitting duck waiting for Voldemort to arrive. It was happening all over again. </p>
<p>“Harry…” </p>
<p>The voice was a weak rasp, piercing through the fog of Harry’s mind. </p>
<p>Draco. Draco had been at the Malfoy Manor too, had lied to his father so that Harry might get away, or at least be bought some time. And Draco was here now, pulling him back to the present. He needed him. </p>
<p>Harry forced himself to slow his breathing, to fight through the pain to sit up and get his feet under him. His legs screamed at him as he stood, swaying violently, and made his way over. </p>
<p>His breath caught when he saw Draco up close. His sleeves had been pulled down and the wrist that bore the Dark Mark and his cuts had been sliced to ribbons. There were more gashes on his other arm and his chest, and his eyelids fluttered weakly as he tried to keep his head up. </p>
<p>"Draco…" Harry wanted to reach out to him, but with his hands tied behind his back all he could do was press his forehead against Draco's.</p>
<p>"They weren't too happy…" Draco rasped. "When they saw the cuts."</p>
<p>Harry closed his eyes in anger. No more. He wasn't going to let Draco go through any more pain. "I'm getting you out of here." He started making his way around the edges of the room, looking amongst the broken bits of stone. Eventually he found a rock with a sharp enough edge and got to work on his bounds. It took an excruciatingly long time, but he got them off. He made his way back over to Draco, who was watching him with glassy eyes, and started on the ropes holding Draco up. They had dug into his wrists and rubbed them raw, so he was careful not to make it worse. </p>
<p>Finally, he broke through the ropes and Draco collapsed. Harry caught him under the arms. "Are you okay? I'm here."</p>
<p>Draco nodded. "I'll be fine. We can only disapparate from outside the building."</p>
<p>"Okay. We'll find a way out." He lifted Draco up with an arm around his waist and together they made their way to the door. Harry tried the handle and was surprised to find it unlocked. This was starting to feel an awful lot like a trap. </p>
<p>He opened it anyway, and carefully stepped into the next room. The first thing Harry noticed was that one side was open, a railing along the edge seeming to be the only thing that separated them from the nothingness beyond. He could hear the crashing of waves, however, and assumed it dropped down to the cliffs below. He spotted another door on the other side and started towards it. </p>
<p>"<em>Stupify</em>!" came a shout, and Harry and Draco were thrown apart, Draco pushed towards the railing and Harry back against the wall. His head slammed against the stone and his vision crowded with black spots. Through the haze, he saw Draco pulling himself up by the railing to face…</p>
<p>Lucius Malfoy. Flanked by several other Death Eaters in dark robes and masks, Draco's father tapped his cane and cocked his head, looking from his son to Harry, who was still sitting against the wall with a hand on his head. </p>
<p>"It seems there's really no disciplining you is there?" Malfoy drawled. "Such a shame."</p>
<p>"Father," Draco started to say.</p>
<p>"You're no son of mine." </p>
<p>"Then let us go," Harry said, using the wall to push himself to his feet. "If you have no use for us then what's the point in keeping us here?"</p>
<p>"I think a better question would be why am I keeping you alive? And frankly, I think I've run out of reasons." Lucius raised his wand and pointed it at Harry. </p>
<p>"No!" Draco shouted, and Lucius whipped his wand around to train it on him instead.</p>
<p>"You first then, Draco?"</p>
<p>It was Harry's turn to shout, and as he tried to run forward another Death Eater stepped in his way, wand raised. He locked eyes with Draco, saw the desperation there, but he couldn't see a way out. </p>
<p>"Harry…" </p>
<p>"Please, please no," Harry begged. </p>
<p>"I love –"</p>
<p>"<em>Avada Kadavra</em>!"</p>
<p>"<em>NO</em>!" </p>
<p>Harry's scream ripped from him as green light shot from Lucius's wand. Harry felt his raw power reach out for Draco in a last desperate plea to save him, and as the curse hit it ricocheted outwards in an explosion of light. The magic blasted outwards in all directions, throwing everyone back. </p>
<p>Harry was knocked down, but immediately scrambled back to his feet. All around him Death Eaters lay motionless, but when he looked to the space where Draco had been standing, it was empty. There was only the railing and the open sky. </p>
<p>He was gone.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0030"><h2>30. lost</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Billie Eilish – i love you<br/><em>“It’s not true, tell me I’ve been lied to<br/>You didn’t mean to say ‘I love you’<br/>I can’t escape the way I love you<br/>I don’t want to, but I love you.”</em></p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Harry stood motionless for a long time, staring at the railing that Draco had gone over. Only when the sky started to lighten did he move, finding a Death Eater's wand and summoning a Patronus. He told it his message and sent it to Hogwarts. Then he collapsed to his knees and waited. </p>
<p>McGonagall, Dumbledore and a few other teachers arrived some time later, bringing with them Ministry of Magic authorities. They confirmed the Death Eaters were dead, found the Slytherin seventh years elsewhere in the building, and recovered Harry and Draco's wands. </p>
<p>McGonagall was crouched before him and Harry knew she was trying to say something to him, but he couldn't summon the energy to process the words. He only kept staring at the spot where Draco was supposed to be. He didn’t take his eyes off it until they lifted him up and guided him from the room. He struggled at first, but then let them take him outside. </p>
<p>The sun was hovering over the ocean now, casting the ancient castle in soft gold light. Harry looked towards the cliffs, searching the waves crashing below. His chest was tight, and he wanted to throw himself into the water to look for him, to bring back his body. </p>
<p>But instead he let them disapparate him, and then he was looking at a different castle. Absently, he was aware of being taken up to the infirmary and his wounds being treated. They gave him a potion and he faded into sleep. </p>
<p>When he woke, his friends surrounded the bed. He shut out their questions, and eventually they gave up and all but Hermione left. She sat by his bedside, content to sit in silence, and watched him. </p>
<p>After a long time, he spoke, saying the two words he had been most afraid to voice but knowing that it was the truth. "He's dead."</p>
<p>Hermione only took his hand and squeezed, letting him know she was there. She held onto him as he finally let go of the tears, allowing himself to feel the pain of the loss. Once the sobs started, he couldn't stop, and Hermione stayed by him until exhaustion took him once again.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0031"><h2>31. wait</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>M83 – Wait<br/><em>“Give your tears to the tide<br/>There’s no end, there is no goodbye.”</em></p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Every time he closed his eyes, Harry saw the blast hitting Draco and exploding back. When he couldn't take it anymore, he got up and made his way out of the infirmary. </p>
<p>It was early morning and the castle was still asleep, the halls empty and echoing. Harry headed for the Astronomy Tower. He regretted his choice once he reached the top, remembering that this was where they'd first kissed. He almost headed back down the stairs, but something made him hesitate. </p>
<p>He walked up to the edge and gripped the railing, watching the sun rise over the lake. It had been a full day now since he lost Draco. If he had done things differently, if he had told McGonagall about the Slytherins, maybe none of this would’ve happened. Or maybe everything would be the same. There was a pain in his chest that wouldn't go away, eating him up from the inside. He didn’t know what to do, or how to go on. </p>
<p>"I wish you were here," he whispered, hanging his head. </p>
<p>"I hope you're not thinking of jumping," came a voice from behind him. </p>
<p>Every muscle in his body froze. He didn't want to dare turn around in case he had imagined it. But slowly, he spun, one hand still clutching the railing like it was an anchor. </p>
<p>There, standing across from him, was Draco. He looked battered and beaten, but he was fully formed and corporeal. Harry blinked, and he didn’t disappear. </p>
<p>"Hey, Harry," Draco said, taking a small step forward like he was afraid Harry would run off. </p>
<p>"Draco… how?" His voice was raw with emotion. He didn't understand. </p>
<p>"I'm not entirely sure, but I have a theory." Draco took another tentative step forward. "I think when I took the cruciatus curse for you, and then you took it for me, it created a kind of shield."</p>
<p>"Like my mother…"</p>
<p>Draco nodded. "And then your magic amplified it and the killing curse bounced back."</p>
<p>"Hitting the Death Eaters but sparing me. But… you fell."</p>
<p>"I managed to apparate a safe distance away when I was pushed out of the building, but then I passed out."</p>
<p>Harry took this in, trying to process. He shook his head a little and ran a hand over his eyes. Draco was still standing before him, not crossing the distance, watching Harry wearily. </p>
<p>"You're really here?" It was a whisper, a desperate plea. He wanted to believe it was true. </p>
<p>Draco nodded again. "Yes." </p>
<p>Harry let go of the railing then and ran to Draco, who met him halfway. They crashed into each other, Harry holding him tight enough to hurt, crushing him against his chest. He felt his back, his head, his hair; he breathed him in, and it was the familiar scent that Harry knew by heart. He was real. He was alive.</p>
<p>"I'm here, Harry," Draco was saying. "I'm here." </p>
<p>Harry pulled back to look at him, hands gripping the sides of his face. He laughed once, the sound almost delirious, and kissed him. Draco's hands were clutching his waist, holding him close, and his touch spread liquid fire through his veins. Harry hung onto him as tight as he could. He felt every unspoken word and every emotion behind the kiss, felt all the passion and longing and desperation. He wanted to lose himself in it. </p>
<p>When they broke apart, Harry said the words he'd been wanting to say for so long.</p>
<p>"I love you."</p>
<p>"I love you, too," was Draco's breathless reply. </p>
<p>"Don't ever do that to me again." </p>
<p>Draco smiled, and the sight of it filled the gaping hole that had been in Harry's chest. He kissed him again, and he was home.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0032"><h2>32. deep breath</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Mallrat – Charlie<br/><em>“I just might love you forever."</em></p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As much as Draco didn't want to let go of Harry, he was relieved to be able to have a shower and change his clothes. When their friends realised he was back he was overwhelmed with questions, and then he and Harry were asked to speak to McGonagall. They were still trying to sort out what happened with the Death Eaters and while they were relieved that Draco was alive and safe, they needed to know the details of what happened. </p>
<p>It was a relief when things slowly started to go back to normal. Harry and Draco didn't explicitly come out to their friends as dating, but they stopped hiding their affections and shamelessly held hands and kissed in public. None of them seemed surprised – in fact Hermione actually rolled her eyes but had an affectionate smile. He had a feeling she'd known from the beginning. </p>
<p>Draco treasured every moment he had with Harry. They had practically moved into the same room by now, but winter break was approaching and Draco worried about what that would mean for them. </p>
<p>They were currently sitting at their spot by the lake, Draco lounged back with Harry's head in his lap, running his fingers through his hair. Harry's eyes were closed and his glasses dangled from a hand, a blissful look on his face. Draco admired the curves and lines of face, and with his other hand traced his lips. Under his touch, they curved into a small smile. </p>
<p>He gathered up his courage and finally asked, "What are your plans for the holidays?"</p>
<p>Harry lazily opened his eyes and looked up at him, and the sight of them unimpeded by the glasses took Draco's breath away. "Depends on you."</p>
<p>Draco frowned. "I sent my mother a letter, and she said she wants me to come back to the Manor. I don't think I can do that though."</p>
<p>"I can come with you if you like. Or we could go to the Burrow." He grinned. "A Weasley family Christmas with Draco Malfoy, that'll be fun."</p>
<p>Draco chuckled, but then he considered it. "Would they have me?"</p>
<p>Harry reached up to touch his cheek, and Draco leaned into it. "Of course they would. I'm family, so that means you are too."</p>
<p>Draco's eyes welled up at that, and Harry's face softened. "Stop that," he said, pulling Draco down to kiss him. It was soft and tender, lingering on Draco's lips. He was utterly content and never wanted the moment to end. </p>
<p>"Molly's going to be furious at me, though," Harry said when he pulled away. "I promised her I wasn't going to get into any danger this year. This makes my eighth year in a row of nearly dying."</p>
<p>Draco chuckled, and Harry hit him lightly. </p>
<p>"Don't laugh! She's actually going to kill me!"</p>
<p>"Scared, Pott –" He was cut off with another kiss, which Draco melted into. </p>
<p>Harry broke away with a grin. "You wish."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you all so much for all the support on this story! This is the final chapter that I had written, but I'm thinking now that I might write an epilogue just to wrap up some other plot lines like what Draco and Harry are going to do after they graduate and where their mental health is at that stage (also would it be a terrible idea to end the epilogue with 'All was well'? I know the epilogue in the books has it's issues but I love that final line). I also had an idea to write the chapter plummet from Draco's perspective instead of Harry's so you can see both sides of how it happened. Would you guys be interested in those two ideas as bonus chapters? Let me know, and I'll work on them when I can but it might be a while before they're posted. <br/>I hope you all enjoyed and thank you again! xx</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0033"><h2>33. epilogue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>As promised, here is the epilogue, I hope you enjoy! I'm still working on the rewrite of plummet from Draco's perspective, so I'm not sure when that will be up, but thank you for sticking around for these bonus chapters! x</p>
<p>TW: Self harm and PTSD (both mentioned).</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>M83 – Outro <br/><em>“I’ll fight until the end<br/>Now and forever.”</em></p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Draco?" Harry called out as he made his way up the stairs to the second floor of 12 Grimmauld Place. He was about to call out again when he caught sight of a platinum blond head in a room off the landing.</p>
<p>Draco was staring at the mural of the Black family tree that decorated the walls of the room, hands shoved deep into the pockets of his jeans. Harry paused in the doorway, leaning against the frame and following Draco's gaze to where there was a small scorch mark at the end of the branch leading down from Lucius and Narcissa, the name Draco Malfoy in elegant cursive underneath. </p>
<p>Harry knew that Draco still had his bad days sometimes, though he hadn't cut in months. On those bad days, he always took extra care to be what Draco needed in that moment, whether it was comfort, someone to share his pain with, or to be left alone. He only asked for the same on the rare occasions that he was affected by his PTSD. </p>
<p>He stepped into the room and gently touched Draco's wrist. "You okay?"</p>
<p>Draco linked his fingers with Harry's, keeping his eyes on the mural. </p>
<p>"We can stay somewhere else if you like."</p>
<p>"No," Draco said softly. "Sirius handed this place down to you, and…" he gestured widely at the mural, "my family's here."</p>
<p>"If it makes you uncomfortable -"</p>
<p>"Harry," Draco interrupted, turning and taking Harry's other hand. He held them between their chests, locking eyes, grey with green. "I want to be here. With you. That's all that matters to me."</p>
<p>The concerned crease remained stubbornly between Harry's eyebrows, and so Draco closed the distance between them and placed a gentle kiss on the spot. Harry sighed, leaning into it and relaxing, before drawing Draco's mouth down for a proper kiss. It was slow and unhurried, like they had all the time in the world. And they did. </p>
<p>Draco eventually broke away with a contented sigh. "What am I going to do if you're at Hogwarts all year?"</p>
<p>This was a concern of Draco's that they'd been over several times, but Harry was happy to reassure him every time until he no longer needed to. "Trust me, if I ask McGonagall if I can apparate in every day instead of have a room in the castle, she'll let me. The woman loves me," he added with a cheeky grin. </p>
<p>Draco rolled his eyes. "Okay, because if you can't, we're sticking together, even if that means I move into Hogwarts for the school year with you."</p>
<p>"Draco Malfoy," Harry said with feigned shock, "choosing to be at Hogwarts when he doesn’t have to? Outrageous."</p>
<p>Draco gave him a playful slap on the arm. "Shut up, I mean it."</p>
<p>Harry gave him another quick kiss. "Everything will work out perfectly," he murmured. And he was sure that it would. As per Aberforth Dumbledore's recommendation, Headmistress McGonagall had hired Harry for the Defence Against the Dark Arts position without so much as an interview. He had spent the second semester helping Dumbledore more and more in classes, and the over the summer had more received a crash course in being a professor, though Harry had flown through the training. He was a natural at teaching, as he had been in his fifth year, and he was beyond excited to begin working. Draco, on the other hand, had rather fallen into the work he was doing now.</p>
<p>"Besides," he said, "if you're at Hogwarts, George can't show up on our doorstep at all hours of the night with a new potion idea that he must absolutely work on with you at this instant."</p>
<p>Draco snorted. "True." He and George Weasley had hit it off more than anyone could have ever predicted over Christmas, and Draco's love for potions combined with George's endless ideas for new products for the joke shop had led to an unexpected partnership. Draco helped George develop new products - which Draco was sometimes the victim of and would end up with consequences like hair that wouldn’t stop changing colours, much to Draco's dismay and Harry's amusement - and occasionally even helped out with running the shop, though he preferred to be behind the scenes. </p>
<p>"I think McGonagall would have a fit if you two started doing potions experiments at the school. Slughorn would probably love it though." </p>
<p>"Also true." </p>
<p>Draco chuckled, and Harry felt his own grin spreading, until he was laughing too. He threw his head back, and Draco laughed harder as well. It was contagious. </p>
<p>When it finally died down, Draco captured Harry's mouth in another kiss, this one a little more passionate. Harry felt all the emotion behind it, all the words left unsaid because they understood each other right down to their cores. This was all they needed. </p>
<p>Harry tugged on the Weasley sweater that Draco was wearing, made for him by Molly at Christmas and embroidered with a large 'D,' pulling them towards the door. "Come on, I've got dinner ready downstairs."</p>
<p>"Can't we stay like this for a little longer?"</p>
<p>"Only if you want the steak to go cold. There's also wine."</p>
<p>Draco rolled his eyes. "Fine, you've convinced me."</p>
<p>Hand in hand they exited the room, not sparing another glance for the mural. If they had, they would have seen flecks of ash falling from the wall and swirling in the air, as Draco's image was restored by the magic of the house, whole once more. </p>
<p>All was well.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0034"><h2>34. the fall</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>This bonus chapter is a rewrite of <em>chapter 29: plummet</em>. All events and dialogue are the same but it is from Draco's perspective instead of Harry's.</p>
<p>TW: PTSD, panic attacks, self harm (mentioned).</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>James Arthur – Train Wreck<br/><em>“I’m not ready to die, not yet</em><br/><em>Pull me out, pull me out.”</em></p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Draco drifted in and out of consciousness; for how long, he wasn't sure. When he was somewhat lucid, he tried to stand, to take the weight off his wrists, but he was too weak to hold the position for long. The rope cut into his skin, rubbing it raw, reopening the wounds each time he shifted so that blood dripped down and mingled with the crusted over cuts on his forearms. In his wakefulness, he knew that Lucius was no longer there, dragging the tip of his wand over his cuts, mocking what Draco had done to himself. But in the fits of sleep in between those moments of clarity, he felt like his father was still there, tormenting him. </p>
<p>Draco felt he was losing track of what was real. </p>
<p>"Draco?"</p>
<p>The voice came from the other side of the room. Draco struggled to open his eyes and lift his head, seeking out the owner of the voice. </p>
<p>It was Harry. Draco could make out his blurry form though his eyelashes, on the floor across from him. Draco blinked, trying to bring him into focus, to rouse himself enough to respond. The effort almost caused him to fall back into unconsciousness – he needed Harry. </p>
<p>He heard Harry's breathing quicken and become uneven. He recognised the beginning of a panic attack. He didn't just need Harry, Draco realised, Harry needed him. He needed to pull Harry out, before the memories overwhelmed him. </p>
<p>He tried to say Harry's name, but all that came out was a rasp. He took a deep breath and tried again. "Harry…"</p>
<p>After several tense moments where Draco wasn't sure if Harry had heard him, Draco heard his breathing even out and the shuffling of his feet as he got up. He heard footsteps coming towards him, and then a sharp intake of breath. </p>
<p>"Draco…" Harry pressed his forehead against Draco's, and Draco felt the relief that Harry was here course through him. </p>
<p>"They weren't too happy…" Draco said, knowing that Harry's gasp would've been at the sight of his arms. "When they saw the cuts."</p>
<p>Draco felt Harry tense up in anger. "I'm getting you out of here." Draco certainly had no objections to that. He watched Harry make his way around the room, find a sharp object and cut himself free of his bounds. Draco's head was pounding, and the edges of his vision were still slightly blurry, but he held on for Harry. When Harry made his way over to cut Draco free, it was with extreme care not to hurt his wrists anymore. Draco was in so much pain already, however, that he barely felt the cutting of the ropes. </p>
<p>Draco hadn't realised how much the ropes were supporting him until his wrists were free, and he fell into Harry's arms. "Are you okay? I'm here."</p>
<p>Draco was most definitely not okay, but he nodded. "I'll be fine." He remembered what one of the Slytherin seventh years had told him when they had first arrived at the castle: "We can only disapparate from outside the building."</p>
<p>"Okay. We'll find a way out." With his arm around Draco's waist, Harry lifted him and they made their way to the door, which Harry opened with ease. Draco wondered why it hadn't been locked, a feeling of dread growing in the pit of his stomach. </p>
<p>The door led out into the room where Draco had stood at the railing with Lucius, having just learned that his father had escaped Azkaban and was planning to release more Death Eaters from the prison. The railing looked out over the North Sea; it was too dark to see much, but he could hear the crashing of waves. </p>
<p>Harry was pulling them across to the other side of the room, when a voice shouted, "<em>Stupify</em>!" Draco felt himself being flung from Harry, and he skidded across the ground to the edge with the railing, the jagged cliffs below reaching up for him. A bolt of fear seized him, and he grabbed for the railing to pull himself up. </p>
<p>Turning away from the roiling sea, he saw his father, flanked on either side by the Death Eaters he had seen earlier. Draco scowled as Lucius tapped his cane and cocked his head, looking from Draco to Harry. Draco followed his gaze to see Harry against the wall, nursing his head. </p>
<p>"It seems there's really no disciplining you is there?" Lucius drawled. "Such a shame." Draco knew that Lucius had never had any plans to discipline to him, only to punish. </p>
<p>"Father," he began. </p>
<p>"You're no son of mine." In spite of himself, Draco flinched. </p>
<p>Harry was getting to his feet, leaning heavily on the wall. "Then let us go. If you have no use for us the what's the point in keeping us here?" </p>
<p>Draco's heart clenched in fear – he knew how ruthless his father could be, and Harry provoking him was walking a dangerous line. </p>
<p>"I think a better question would be why am I keeping you alive? And frankly, I think I've run out of reasons." Lucius pointed his wand at Harry, and Draco felt the fear in his heart and the pit of his stomach electrify, setting his every nerve on end. </p>
<p>"No!" he shouted, and Lucius turned his wand on Draco. Draco knew he should be feeling the adrenaline of fight or flight kicking in, but all he could feel in that moment was relief that Lucius was now focusing on him instead of Harry. </p>
<p>"You first then, Draco?"</p>
<p>Draco's mind raced; he needed to help Harry, and he had no way of doing that if he was dead. But how to stop Lucius? And would his own father really kill him? He looked into the depths of his eyes, and he only saw a feral hatred, a madness. He was really going to do it. </p>
<p>Tearing his eyes away, he locked his gaze with Harry's, who was being blocked by a Death Eater. Draco knew that Harry would do anything to get to him, but he couldn't see a way for them both to get out of this alive. </p>
<p>"Harry…" he heard the resignation in his voice, and saw the desperation on Harry's face. </p>
<p>"Please, please no," he begged. </p>
<p>Draco knew this was the end, and there was only one thing he could think of to say. "I love –" </p>
<p>"<em>Avada Kadavra</em>!"</p>
<p>"<em>NO</em>!"</p>
<p>Several things happened at once. Draco saw the flash of deadly green light from Lucius's wand arching toward him; he saw behind it the maniacal expression on his father's face; he heard Harry's anguished scream; and he felt a power reaching out for him, strange and at the same time, utterly familiar. It wrapped around him in a bubble of protection, and when it was hit by the killing curse, it exploded outwards in all directions. Draco felt the force of it like a tsunami, throwing him backwards, and then there was only open air. </p>
<p>He fell. </p>
<p>For several terrifying moments, Draco plummeted. He couldn't take in a breath, the air ripped from his lungs as the waves and the rocky cliffs rose up towards him. He could see his death hurling at him more surely than it had when the killing curse was fired at him. </p>
<p>He squeezed his eyes shut and reached for his magic, summoning the last of his strength, and apparated just before he hit the water. </p>
<p>He hit sand instead, rolling down a dune, the impact jarring his bones but saving him from an unsavoury death against the rocks below the cliff. When he slid to a stop at the bottom of the sand dune, he stumbled upright, and in a moment of delirium, found himself grinning. He had escaped death. </p>
<p>He spotted the castle in the distance up the beach. Harry. He needed to get to him. He took a step forward, swaying with a wave of dizziness. Blackness creeped in at the corners of his vision. </p>
<p>He was unconscious before he hit the ground.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Okay, now that these bonus chapters are up, this is all that I plan on writing for this story, so this is the end! (probably, unless I decide to add something else lol but at this point I think it's unlikely) Thank you all again so much for reading and for leaving kudos and commenting. Love you all x</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>